Enough complaining about the burden of love.
With my beloved roadblock out of the way, I tackled a handful of house projects. Brett has lots of opinions on things - as most people do - but while he may feel strongly about about say, the color we paint the hallway, he doesn't feel strongly enough to ever put thought into it. So I may say, "Hey, I think I want to paint the hallway a sunny yellow or a broody blue," and he'll respond with, "Hmm... ok. Well, that's something we could talk about." and then I'll say, "Oh yeah? Don't want me to just do it? Be done with it? Change it if you don't like it?" To which he'll respond, "I just think we need to consider all the options." I've already done that, of course, so I'll say, "Ok, why don't you get on Pinterest and look at paint colors you like?" And then he'll grunt.
I'll ask him a few times to do this and he never will, because he doesn't really care. He just wants some say - I get it. But meanwhile, weeks and months later, I'm left trying to determine how betrayed he'll feel if I just go ahead and do it.
That was a real example up there, so no, I haven't painted the hallway (and Brett probably hasn't remembered that conversation). But, while we was out, I had 4 projects to complete (none of which would result in feelings of betrayal): paint all the trim in the house, fix the ceiling in the main room, sand and paint a drywall patch in the bathroom, and pizzazzy up the patio.
The painting went as expected, so I'll spare you a play-by-play. Dad hooked me up with two guys that could come fix the ceiling. Their names were James and Ricky. James was the head honcho, but anytime I poked my head in, James was sitting on a bucket playing on his phone while Ricky did all the work. They had to do a bunch of sanding while they were working so I emptied out the main room as best I could and then draped the place in plastic.
James and Ricky helped with the renovations when we first moved in here, so they were interested to see the finished product. While they worked, I sat in my little office, typing away at my computer, occasionally answering phone calls, and being what would appear to be, a busy, working person. And I know they saw me, because sometimes they would poke their heads into the office to ask me questions, and it wasn't like I had cartoons playing on multiple monitors.
One morning, Ricky asked, "What does your husband do?"
"He's a structural engineer," I responded. And then Ricky nodded his head and looked all around and out the window, taking in all the prettiness I suppose. James grunted his approval. I waited for Ricky to ask what I do for work, but he didn't. Instead he asked, "How many kids y'all have?"
"None," and I smiled.
"Y'all ain't got no kids!" James exclaimed from his bucket.
"Why not?" Ricky asked, a sense of urgency in his voice.
If ever there was audience who wouldn't understand a young woman's reason not to reproduce, it would be two men in their 60's who have spent a lifetime doing back-breaking labor. They did their part - I should do mine. So I simply said, "I've never wanted any." That is true, but the real answer would involve touching on philosophy, psycology, and a whole host of somewhat progressive concepts. They would never hear me out.
"What about your husband? I bet he wants kids?"
I smiled but just shook my head. They looked at me in silent confusion for a moment.
"She's just not ready," James told Ricky. Ricky turned around to look at his friend and nodded in consideration.
"How old are you?" Ricky asked.
"Thirty four."
Then Ricky grimaced, flexing his neck muscles and exposing his bottom teeth in the universal sign for 'uh oh.'
"She's just not ready," James repeated. "She will." Ricky nodded again, comforting himself.
"Yeah, she will," he repeated after James, "She will. She's not ready."
I waited for them to ask me what I would do instead ... like a career or life goals or hopes for myself, but they didn't.
"Who gone take care of you when you're old?"
They continued to heckle me about it for a few minutes, proud of themselves for each having four kids and suggesting that even if I adopted one, I'd be better off. I went back to my office tickled, only slightly offended, but mostly wondering what James and Ricky's lives have been like so far. And the lives of their wives, for that matter.
When they left that afternoon, I prepped the patio; sealed up and leveled out big cracks in the concrete pad and put down a coat of light gray concrete paint as the base layer. I ran out of paint right at the end, leaving a little 2x5 foot patch unpainted. I'd have to go back to the hardware store for more. I'd do it tomorrow.
Ricky came back the next day to finish the job without James. Again, he stuck his head in my office, no doubt noticing my multiple screens of USDA protocols and legal petitions on food distribution, and asked if he could borrow a bucket. I took him out back to the garage and on the way back in, he saw the unpainted patch of patio and noticed that it all looked different than yesterday. He pointed at it and looked at me, quizzically. "I ran out of paint," I told him.
"You did this?"
"Yeah," I said cheerfully, "I'm going to paint something on it."
"Why?"
"Just trying to make it look nicer. It a dirty old cracked slab but I don't want to repave it." Ricky thought about this a long time before nodding his head and saying, "Well that's good. I guess it gives you something to do."
Then he turned and went back inside.
I had to keep from laughing out loud. His lack of expectations of me is unprecedented. I've never met anyone who regarded me as a vessel for domesticity so openly. So singularly. Ricky finished up work on the ceiling and packed up his truck. I asked him what he was going to do with his weekend and we spent a good half hour talking ... only about him of course. I waiting for him to ask anything about me, but he didn't.
He's known around his town for his grillin'. He cooks for crowds almost every weekend and has people traveling to his neighborhood to taste his food.
"You should start a restaurant, Ricky," I told him, "Or least hire some folks to help you so you can take on all these jobs you have to turn down."
"I want to, but I don't know... I can't find any reliable help," he told me. He went on to show me several pictures of roasted animals - fully intact. "Here's a whole hog I did last weekend." I looked at the charred, blistered skin on what looked to be an adolescent pig, an image that normally perturbs me, but I had to keep from laughing. He swiped to the next, "Here's a turkey and a half dozen chickens." He swiped again. "And see here. Twenty-four beef cheeks," he declared proudly.
Ricky managed to hit all the highlights. His outdated patriarchal views, offensive lack of curiosity about the human he spent three days with (me), and now he's showing me the live animals he buys and roasts - animals I spend hours each day earning tiny rights for. Ricky had no idea just how big he was fumbling for this particular audience.
I found him hopelessly endearing.
"Ricky, if people are paying for the food, they need to be paying for your time too," I told him. "You're staying up all night smoking these meals. Those are working hours."
Ricky looked bashful.
"Don't sell yourself short, Ricky!"
The last bit I'll tell you about is the patio. I wanted to paint a checkered floor on it. Now, I challenge you to do a googling about this because people frequently put in checkered floors - they are charming and whimsical - but, some people fail at it and they don't even know it. How can you fail at something as simple as lining up squares? Well I'll tell you. They line them up parallel to the surrounding walls. No! This is wrong. It will only look right, if you place your squares on a diagonal. Here, I'll show you.
Classic and Soothing Alice in Wonderland - Funhouse floor
It's all about the diagonal! (Tile size and contrast are also important considerations.) So, herein lies my problem - how do you draw out the lines for a painted checkered floor if you can't just mark every 24 inches and draw a line? I spent half a day tracing a square stencil (a roughly-the-right-size square painting I pulled off the wall) at an awkward diagonal on the concrete floor. I knew some engineer type could probably tell me a simple mathematical way to draw the lines, but the only one I know was in Japan. Google didn't help either. So I'd plop down my square, butt a loosely-straight board up against it and then drag my pencil as far as I could. The farther I got from my original square the more splayed and rectangular the sections became. Also, I took a step back and decided the square size was too small. But only barely. Should I start over with a bigger stencil? I've already invested so many hours and it was so hard to keep the lines straight.
I called Mom.
It took a lot of hemming and hawing before she agreed that they probably are too small. "But I'll help you re-do it!"
Mom and I spent the next day trying to draw out the lines. It was no easier the second time around but it was significantly more amusing. We giggled and schemed and messed up and laughed, and when we'd step back, our squares were splaying out and becoming rectangular.
"Well wait a minute. How did that happen?"
"Hmm.. let's start again from over here."
"Ok."
We'd redraw the line, feeling great about it this time ... and then it wouldn't line up with the ending point.
"Well wait a minute. How's that?"
We'd carefully line up our wonky board, double check that the starting point and the finishing point were accounted for and then we'd start in the middle and each trace the board in a different direction. None of it ever really lined up properly and we were dumbfounded every time. Sometimes one of us would catch the other messing up in real time and then we would chastise and laugh at them, and one time I realized mom and I were both drawing the same line in the same direction - my pencil dutifully following behind hers.
"Go the other way!"
We finally finished drawing them, stepped back, and agreed ... they're too big.
But we weren't starting over, so we starting painting. We had to make educated guesses on which of the many scribbled and scratched-out lines we intended for us to use as THE line, so painting proved to be challenging too. None of the corners meet up, the grey paint dried blue, and we were both astonishingly achy from three days spent working on a cement floor, but we got it done... if you don't look too close.
