He Passed!

My big beautiful Bubba passed his PE exam. 

So there we were. 

Brett, silently sweating. Weeks have passed. When will we hear?
Lu, silently sweating. (Less related to nervousness and more to the blossoming damp person I've become in my old age. Why am I getting sweatier ever year?) Of course I want the Big Guy to pass. He can do anything. Not passing last time was surely a fluke. I wanted Brett to pass because that was his big goal. Having a goal seems like fun. What a thrill to meet it and then make it go away. But mostly I didn't want him to not pass because I wasn't sure how we would handle the blow. And by "we" I mean me. 

I don't care if Brett is a structural engineer or a homeless drifter. I'm not impressed by made up job titles you know. But being an intelligent, driven person means that Brett feels discontentment on occasion when things don't go as planned. This almost never happens but on the rare occasion that he experiences disappointment, he goes very quiet. He will not share how brokenhearted and defeated he is. He will carry on with everyday life except that he won't make any noise in the process. 

"Are you disappointed?" I may ask him. 

"Yes."

"What are you thinking?"

"... I ... I don't know."

How would I build him back up? How long would I have to suffer along with a mute version of my jolly giant? This is about me, you guys. 

In reality, we knew that him not passing this time around would be a possible path-shifter. Often times, he's not sure he wants to be an engineer at all and I wholeheartedly support him doing something less computery and more hands-on. Failing a second time could be a tailspin of lost dreams and new beginnings. His end goal with the engineering is to put that knowledge to good use in countries that could use the infrastructure. He told me all about this on our very first date together. The key phrases were "3rd world countries", "well water", "helping people." 

What a lovely person. Perhaps I'll go out with him again.

I mean look at that stink face. Who could resist?

Not passing the PE maybe meant a rethink, which I thought would be an exciting new adventure and so I played that tune each week after he came home from the exam in October. But secretly Brett did not think this was exciting because he's had his sights set on this for close to a decade. 

"It doesn't matter if I stay an engineer. I just need to know that I could do it." 

I don't know what that's like so I hastily abandoned his concerns.

"But we could just move and start over! ...in Europe! You; a tall, handsome woodworker. You'll wear loose, white button-downs with the sleeves cuffed at the elbows. A quiet, strong type. Me; your little wife (albeit fairly normal sized), I grow flowers in the dry, Mediterranean soil and sell vegetables at the market in town. I wear brightly colored skirts and a kitten heel. Oh boy, we're just the cutest American couple.... maybe I should take up smoking."

But he passed, so my dreams will have to wait. 

I couldn't be more proud of Bubbles. Look what he can do! Now, the world is his oyster. He can stay where he is, start his own firm, climb metaphorical ladders, become a scientist, or skip town in favor of slums that could use a long-legged engineer with big ideas and small ankles.  

Last night he was on the US AID website. Where will this PE take us?

I was going to stop there but I'll add a fun bit where we took a placement quiz on the USAID website. It asks pertinent questions about their various objectives. For example:

"How interested are you in reconciling at times conflicting directives from various individuals and offices in both Washington DC and your host country, organize a press conference for your Ambassador or for a visiting Assistant Secretary who is in charge of the region where your diplomatic mission is located?"

or perhaps: 

How interested are you in working with counterparts at the United Nations who may or may not be supportive, ensure that U.S. foreign policy interests are met through the implementation of resolutions on issues ranging from multilateral sanctions to humanitarian aid?"

And then you rank them on a scale of "very uninterested, uninterested, neutral, interested, very interested" and they spit out the areas where you may be a good fit (economic, consular, public diplomacy, etc). Brett was interested in and excited by many of the questions. "What a cool thing work on!" he'd exclaim. Then we took the quiz as me to see if there were any jobs I could do. 

My results came back; "You have little interest in this career path." 

We're glad that Brett has dreams.