The Keys : A Study of Parenthood

When the family decided to plan a trip to The Keys with three toddlers in tow, I knew things would be different. When Brett had to stay home because of work, I knew things would be extra intense. Assorted family members left Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to make their way to Marathon. Margie and Jordan chose to drive with their two tikes, while Ellen and Lee experienced Olivia's first plane ride together. She did pretty good, only vomiting once they got into the car in Miami. I wasn't coming until Tuesday. This was equal parts due to logistics, cheaper airfare, and saved me a few days of shrieking children. So I was on Buddy/ Bobo Patrol for a few days and spent my mornings in my favorite place.

I touched down in Miami at 8:00 am and Dad picked me up from the airport. We had breakfast at the slowest moving Denny's around, and then drove the two hours to Marathon. I cherish that kind of Papa Time. The moment we pulled into the driveway, Uncle Dave, Mom and Carolyn, ushered Dad and I onto a boat and we went for a little cruise in search of gasoline. That was the last near-sunny hour we had. 

The family was divided into two houses. The adult house held Aunt Georgia, Aunt Carolyn, Uncle David, and Mom and Dad. The kid house tolerated; Margie, Jordan, Owen, Ethan, Alston, Hailey, Ellen, Lee, Olivia, and little old me. The houses were a mile apart on a busy highway, so there was no intermingling without prior planning. 

At the adult house, things were quiet and clean. There was a warmish pool and a dock that stretched out over the clear blue sea. At the kid house, things were loud and sticky and there was thirty yards of sludge between us and the ocean. A sea of Fisher Price boobie traps lined the hallways. Spongebob Squarepants illuminated the room with song. Legos threatened your toes, blueberries tumbled out of couch cushions, and anything you touched was damp. Whining, shrieking, and wailing could be heard in perfect harmony. 

"Come get me!" I texted Dad after only an hour holed up in my room.
"Who is this?" he replied. 

With many visits to the Keys under our belts, there was no urgent need for sightseeing or attractions under a muggy grey sky. Instead we opted for lazy conversation, naps, and constant snacking; at least, at the adult house.  I rudely spent most of my time there and chose not to feel too guilty about it. After all, if I wanted to live under such harsh conditions, I would have my own children. And I wasn't alone mind you. All members of the adult house had to be specifically asked to show their faces over in the kiddie crack den. I'm not as hateful as you think I am. 

An excerpt from my travels:

Morning Log - Day 3

Woke to the screams of excited children. Skies are grey and hope is wearing thin. Laid in bed for an extra half hour to avoid the common room. Eventually began to feel rude. Emerged from bedroom to find that the three subjects were feeding. Most off-putting. Beans and berries smudged across faces. Surrounding floor and walls also painted in food.

Female subject briefly enjoyed my company before dragging her poopy butt along my leg like a dog scoots across a lawn. Nothing to eat in the house that doesn't feel sullied by surrounding air. 

When not fighting for survival, we often enjoyed the pool over at the adult house. 

One night, Margie, Jordan, Ellen, Lee, and I all went out for supper while the Guy Gals babysat. The young couples didn't know what to do with their freedom. We drove through a monsoon in sour moods looking for a place to eat. Once we dried off and sat down in a cozy pub, we all came alive and remembered what it was to be wild and free. I've missed my time with Margie. The hours we spent together at the realty office are happy times I think about and miss. (Not so much the working with disgruntled renters part.) 

Ellen had one full-scale meltdown that, mixed with the surrounding scene in the crack den, made me add a nail to my metaphorical parenthood coffin. I'm not sure how many nails I'll need to seal the whole thing up but we're already at five. 

Days went like this:

6:00am:  Owen, Ethan, Margie wake up and dump out basket of toys.

6:00-7:00: Owen and Ethan find creative ways to try to kill themselves.

8:00: Margie begins cooking breakfast for the boys.

8:30: Subjects are feeding.

9:00: Margie mops floors and repaint walls from breakfast feeding. 

10:00-1:00pm: Just try to survive. 

1:00- 3:00 Owen and Ethan nap. Margie prepares food for upcoming feedings, again mops the floor and cleans the walls from lunch feeding, and puts toys in the basket. 

3:01: Owen and Ethan dump out the toys.

3:02 -6:30: Another chunk of survival

6:35: Another feeding

7:00: Cleaning and repainting walls

8:00: Baths and bed for Owen and Ethan.

8:30-10:30: Margie sits quietly. 

10:35: Bed

Take a good look at the expressions in this photo. 

Oh I'm sorry. Is my hammering bothering you?

Occasionally the Guy Gals visited a store or two, the men folk went fishing, and Ellen got to take a nap. 

Highlights from the trip include:

-Getting some good cousin time

-The boat ride

-Uncle David becoming hysterical at the lunch table over the phrase "leak detection"

-Watching the tikes experience the swimming pool

-Lots of seafood

-Dad's running commentary

-Aunt Georgia's running commentary

-Jordan's Indian Accent

-Watching Alston enjoy Jordan's Indian accent.

You see, we still had lots of fun. On leaving day, the sun finally came out. We all threw in the towel and went home.