Honbons: And Other Soothing Balms

The pinch of time I got to spend with my Hon fam right there at the end of September might not qualify for an official "Honbons and Other..." style title, as those are reserved for lengthy, if not also highly attended HonUnions. Brett and I only stayed two days and three dinners with them, but my folks stayed a whole week, AND the Hons drop nuggets so abundantly, I feel I can make at least a dense snack out of them. 

So, we gathered on Topsail Island...

 

There was the ebbing of a storm, perhaps a tropical one, but I can't remember. Our sunny drive gave way to storm clouds and a drizzle as we pulled into town, but once we unloaded the cars, the feeding frenzy began. The following is a list of edible highlights: peanut butter filled pretzels, cookies and brownies, boiled peanuts, manicotti, chips and crackers, focaccia bread, peanut m&ms, and an assortment of carbonated beverages. There was also Frosted Heroin, but no one broke into them the first morning or even the second. Brett had been dilly-dallying around, waiting for a bun, and finally asked for one not long before he had to pack up his suitcase to go home. 

We met the newest member of the Honbon family, played some Shang, and sat to stare at each other in various venues. There were morning chats with coffee on the porch and evening chats with coffee at the dinner table. Brett attempted to surf the stormy waves while I watched anxiously from the porch. Evan helped me keep an eye on him until the tide pulled him out of sight. "I don't see him anymore..." She shrugged and then performed her school's morning announcements, complete with daily lunch menu. 

Evan was notably less interested in me than last time - a combination of not being roommates, her being older and cooler now, and the apparently off-putting news of my marriage to Brett. She is energetic, enthusiastic, highly expressive, and an interminable conversation. I think she might have inherited it from Papa Don. He's also always talking, but his musings are so low in tone you often accidentally write them off as the hum of a large appliance.

Equally enthusiastic, Ellen arrived with Liv on Sunday, and she had a surprising amount of vigor to her. We were all excited for Evan and Liv to meet - the next generation of HonUnion, oh boy, what big flip-flops to fill. Naturally, Ev was all-in even prior to their arrival. Liv took approximately ten minutes to warm up and then they were off with their matching mermaids and plastic egg creatures, and I think maybe some purses. They had craft time, drew on windows, and impressed all of us with their inventive moves the dance mat. They were thrilled about sharing a room with bunk beds, each planning to sleep on the top of their respective set. They were less thrilled when told they had to sleep on the bottom bunk (there was a good bit of whimpering) but then the whole thing imploded. After about a half hour of trying to sleep, Livvy came upstairs and whispered, "Evan won't stop talking." Liv slept in Ellen's room the next two nights. 

The quietest person in attendance was new baby Heath. Only the Unions think he's quiet because we were all sleeping upstairs and all the Hons were sleeping downstairs. I don't think I actually heard the little guy cry the whole time I was there, but the morning report was usually that of Heath's desire to stay up and party. During the day, he just sat in his little bouncy chair grinning at people, or was being passed from person to person like a basket of rolls at the dinner table. Baby Heath is really cute and smiley and squishy. I wish I had more to say about him but he's still working on holding up his own head, so we can give him some time. 

As is the case when given the opportunity, I followed Will and Katie around and asked them questions about life. What are you eating these days? What about books? Where are you shopping? What do you think life is really about? We discussed all manner of important topics from celebrities to espresso machines. I found out they got hit by an ambulance, and I heard a story about a library encounter that made me especially proud to know Katie. 

Meanwhile the adults played rounds of Shanghai to music that never changed. Will put on an album that cycled through itself at least eight times but no one noticed because they were deep in giggly conversation. He attempted the same stunt the next day, but his plans were thwarted after only three cycles when someone requested some french cooking music.

Brett and I took The Papas for a rainy morning out while we ran errands. We dropped them off at a coffee shop while we went to the grocery store. "We'll come back and get you when we're done," we told them as we waited for them to climb out of the backseat. Don said this must be what it's like to be Millennials, spending a day doing nothing in a coffee shop. I told him he'd have to have soy milk with his coffee and he gave me a classic Papa Don expression that I can pull to mind in an instant, and it elicits a giddy squeak from me every time.

Despite the soggy grey scenery, my memories are a sunny yellow. We took tiny beach walks to get energy out of the three pups, and Brett was again enchanted by Wando's ability to do what you tell him. Brett got a quick recap tutorial on Wando's proficiencies and then the two of them played professional fetch with dueling enthusiasm.

I sat with Lollie on the porch where she worried about me, patched me up, gave me precious advice, and was an advocate for those with high cortisol when the family heckled me for my tiny dinner portions. 

"I wish I had that problem," Ellen stated. "Cortisol makes me fat!"

"Me too," a few others agreed in unison. 

Ellen, Liv, Brett, and I headed home just as the sun came out and beach week could properly start. We had an eventful ride back complete with washed out roadways, lengthy detours, a quest for a car charger, a really gross lunch, and Livvy barfing up a bunch of red Starbursts in the parking lot of a Chevy dealership. Our four hour drive wound up taking eight hours. We were all scared of how Liv would fare, but she was a chatty champ and finally sacked out for the last hour or so. 

Up in the front seat, Brett I were deep in a discussion about the meaning of a good life as looked at from different perspectives. Why do people live in any particular place? If you removed x, would your purpose shift? Yes but that's not a universal value - in fact, I'd say it's a learned one. Well I'd argue the opposite actually because think about this...

After a half hour Ellen said, "Are y'all seriously still talking about this?"

"What do you mean?"

"How is there this much to say about it?"

"Well what do you and Lee talk about?"

"We talk about farts." 

We tried to pull her into it. "No, I don't know. I don't know about this stuff," she said.

"Sure you do. It's just your outlook on life," we told her, "Consider the scenario and tell us how you see it."

"I can't!" She fought us for a long time, unaware of her own philosophical abilities.

"Fine. Answer this, how has your life changed since having kids..... ok, and if you lived in a society with x instead, how would it be different?"

Well, Ellen caught the fun of considering and pondering and hypothesizing, and she waxed and waned poetic as we pulled into town. Brett and I were stifling our proud grins. 

"This is phase one," Brett teased, "Won't be long until you're radicalized!"

I spent the rest of the week lamenting my early departure on account of Brett's work schedule and my cortisol levels. The rest of the family did get to enjoy some sunny beach days and the bulk of the delicious snacks. Right there at the end I requested a family photo and I had the great fortune of receiving a Live Photo, so hearing people laugh while Health screamed, and Laurie talking as she blocked out Papa Don made it the best family picture I could have received. 

Most photos from the Hons.

Photo Dump (As They Say)

 There are still so many goodies. I'll just put them here. 

The Final Days

May 30

On what was Brett and my last day at the house, the weather turned grey and drizzly, so the whole family mostly stayed in. There were plans for the day I think, but everyone wound up distracted and deterred by rain. Brett and Don spent the morning challenging each other about politics and even the food system. Ellen came in a few times, heard the conversation, and then turned around and left. "We're still talking about this?" They would discuss, agree, disagree, discuss some more. It was all very polite. I mostly sat taking it in - a gracious provocation of two of my favorite minds.

Brett and I ran out to pick up lunch for everyone, and came home to a Shanghai game at the dining room table. While we ate and played, a repair man came in to fix some shutters. Despite his best efforts, Dad never really won him over. In this case we can blame it on a language barrier. We carried on with our game and cheered for the repairman after a job well done. 

I have the very distinct feeling of dread that I used to have on Sunday nights before school the next day. Haven't felt this sensation in more than 15 years. I've found it very interesting to revisit - it's still a bad feeling - but less awful since there isn't actually school tomorrow. 

Around 5:00, Brett started working on Chicken Cacciatore for dinner, with Dad and me as sous chefs. We all navigated around each other in the tiny kitchen and washed the knives and cutting boards as we went. (There was only one good knife.) 
We had the Last Supper out on the porch. What a colorful feast! I keep writing it, but our home-cooked meals are the best things we've been eating. (Except for the focaccia bread. How do they make that so fluffy and wonderful?)

After dinner, the guys went all the way up the tower to play pool while the girls sat at the kitchen table and discussed:

-new job (mine)

-new baby (Will and Katie's)

-pets (all)

-recipes (Laurie's)

We eventually went to bed and that's when I had Big Lue's Big Italian Panic Attack. I knew I was anxious about flying home (on account of the in-flight panic attack I had on the way over) but geewillies. Get a hold of yourself! I'm quite accustomed to my own brand of panic attack. They barely worry me because I know their schtick. This was all brand new and much more dramatic than a Lowcountry Panic Attack, so it really gave me a fright. Brett did everything he could and then finally knocked me out with one of Dad's Ambien pills...

May 31

....but I woke up the next day right where I left off.  Brett and I were headed to Switzerland and there was no way I was going to make it. I'll zoom ahead and tell you that I tried to go downstairs like nothing was wrong but the family wasn't fooled and they flocked around me like seagulls and basket of fries. It was embarrassing and sweet. I'll zoom ahead again to tell you that I was given a Xanax and 10 minutes later the world was my oyster. 

Boy, what a drug! Who knew! Once I felt better, my family wandered off for breakfast but Papa Don sat with me awhile and distracted me with his musings. Those Hons always know how to patch me up. Brett and I had a train to catch, so we didn't stick around too much longer.

We were sent off to the train statin with our suitcases and a handful of Xanax to get me back home again. We had been very excited to take the Bernina Express through the Alps over to Zurich. During my panic meltdown I did care one bit about this. "Forget it! I have bigger problems" But now that I was a little high, the party was back on. 

We rode through the snowy mountains in a glass tube and it was beautiful. We sat next to a Dutch man named Tom. He was very quiet and kept to himself unless Brett asked him a question. Every time Brett said, "So Tom..." Tom would go very still and only his eyes would look over at Brett. I almost told Brett to leave him alone, except that once he started talking, Tom seemed happy about giving an answer.

Meanwhile I maintained a delighted zen state and wondered if this is how most people feel everyday - just completely unburdened by anything. "Is this what you feel like?" I asked Brett. He shrugged in a way that I would describe as "affirmatively." It was chilly in the train and I dozed off a few times. The last hour or so really dragged on and on - slow moving train.

Here I am on drugs!

We made it into Zurich around 8pm and hustled through the city to our AirBnb. It was cold and raining but we both immediately loved it. So charming. One half city. One half cobbled, European town. After checking into the AirBnb (with ceilings approximately three inches above Brett's head) we set out in search of dinner. Everywhere was either closed or packed, so we picked up Thai food, put on a movie, and ate noodles in bed. 

June 1

I began my day with half a Xanax...

Turns out my body was very anxious about flying home. I stayed lightly doped up for two days or else the dread would take over. Very embarrassing. Brett and I took on a parent/child relationship that I hope never happens again. He did a great job alternating between coddling me and shoving me out into the world so didn't miss anything. We visited the Swiss museum, walked the river front, visited a few book stores, and Brett ate his way though town. I was too queasy to eat. 

Around 7:00, the parents arrived in town for their flights home tomorrow. We saw Don and Lollie walking down the street and ran up to them all excited, but it really surprised Lollie. She looked SO relived when se realized it was me. I'm quite certain I heard Brett say, "give me all your money!" as he hastily approached Don.  

We met Mom and Dad is a British pub, of all places and had our actual last meal together. During this dinner they told me that Ellen stayed up late to chat last night AND played a few rounds of Shanghai. Can you believe that! Also, they had more gelato.

We had to be out of the pub by 8:30 - it was the European Champions League that night (big deal soccer game) - so we gobbled our grub and said our actual goodbyes. 

On our walk back, we noticed a handful of pubs just loaded with people watching the game. Brett convinced me to watch the first half, so we squeezed in amongst the rowdy revelers and joined in with the universal fun of rooting for something. It was so packed you didn't really have to try to stand up. People were shoved in so close you had no choice but to be upright. I thought of a train ride early on in our trip that was equally as crowded and I was just furious about it. Somehow, in this context, it was fun. Everyone screamed and cheered at the same time. Beer glasses were clinked together, people had screaming conversations in foreign tongues. I'm not sure how, but I had a good time. 

June 2

Took a train to Frankfurt for our flight home. Got in around 4:00. Brett did a workout the hotel gym.

Went down to the hotel restaurant for dinner - they asked if we had a reservation... at the airport hotel. Who has reservations at airport hotels? We found this most amusing but had it hide it. 

We mostly sat in a happy daze, though mine may have been Xanax fueled. The American couple at the next table had the following conversation:

"Well, Don and Chris will be meeting us there. I think Laura is coming later on."

"Well what about Lee?"

"Lee is coming with John and Julie."

"Chris and Laura sure had a good time at the house last summer."

"They did, ever since Don moved back home I see so much more of them."

This carried on a good while. I thought it was a prank of some kind. I looked around for hidden cameras. They just needed a Nancy and an Ellen and I'd have had to interject. If it wasn't for John and Julie...

By the end of the meal, I surmised that Don, Chris, and Laura were the names of the couple's children. Julie and John recently got married. I never worked out who Lee was, but it all made me smile any way. 

Early bedtime. Up at 4am for the trek home.

Day Trips and Kitchen Triumphs

Ellen and Lee up early to go north for a wine tasting. The rest of us took a ferry to Menaggio, dashing onto the boat in the nick of time. 

Menaggio is just like Varenna. Don and Brett loitered far behind the rest of the group; talking, observing, stopping to point and ponder. We did a short wander - found a thrilling grocery store. "Don't touch the fruit!" Don, Lollie, Brett and I stopped for a cappuccino, while Mom and Dad scoped out a lunch spot. There was some fun confusion where the coffee lady thought Brett wanted grappa in in his espresso. The next stop on our mini-food fest was pizza and calzones on a cobblestoned side street. There were lots of local here too which we took to be a good sign. A construction worker at a table nearby had a streak of white hair in his mustache running from one nostril down to his upper lip. It looked like a big, drippy, Italian booger and it distracted Mom for a large part of our lunch. 

It rained a little bit while we ate lunch, so the restaurant extended a canopy out into the road. It didn't quite cover the far side of our table, so Mom, Don, and Lollie ate most of their lunch in the rain. By the time we finished our lunch, the town had closed up for afternoon naps, so we wandered back down to the dock to wait for the ferry. 
Lollie and Mom stopped for gelato. 

Ellen and Lee got home about an hour after we did and then lo and behold, our luggage arrived! The elation from the four of us... (Mostly just three. Lee pretty much had everything he needed in his carry-on.) Oh to put on clean pants! I took a hot shower, put on clean clothes, and then got in my bed for a nap. The relief was too much to stand!

Up! Up from the nap for a boat tour around the lake. Very beautiful. Massive expensive homes. Ornate lawn care practices. Funny boat captain pointed out pricy hotels, movie set houses, and assorted rich person dealings. 

Most stopped for gelato on the way home. Brett and I went to a couple shops to buy pasta and ingredients for supper. Dad, Don, and I frantically put together another big family meal. Dad made Don mince garlic and herbs, and grate heaps of cheese with a defunct grater. I worked on the salad and a fruit platter. Dad buzzed around the kitchen, busy chopping and boiling and this and that. Don sat placidly at the table, grating his hunk of cheese and singing, "cause I'm your laaaaady, and you are my maaaaannn!"

We ate our grand dinner in the dining room. Don was insulted by our thoughts on his inept grating. "You gave me faulty equipment!" 

Brett ate a shocking amount of food tonight. Cigars and chit-chat before bed. 

Highlights & Quotables

- When Brett and Don's conversation turned from Don's musings to the subject of Brett's life, Don stepped off the road into the traffic. 

-At lunch, Brett poured Don and himself one small shot of water into each of their water glasses. Then they'd clink glasses, slam them down on the table, and then throw them back. "Another!" one of them shouted. They did this three for four times in a row.

-Instafluencers are everywhere, posing in wild outfits. We barely hide our laughter. 

-Dad visits the grocery store so often that the owner greets him and give him samples. 

-"Once again, I sacrifice myself for everyone else ... write that down Lu." - Dad

May 28th

Earlier on the trip Brett and I tried to get coffee from a "real, authentic" coffee bar. We stood politely at the counter but the people who worked there pretended not to see us, so we just eventually left, scorned. Never to return. 

This morning, Lollie said she found a "real, authentic" coffee bar to try, so Brett and I pulled up our big kid pants and gave it another try. What a most excellent pistachio croissant! Lollie has been taking tips from Rick Steves. Don said he hopes he never hears Rick's name ever again. We had a great breakfast and then Brett immediately made me climb a mountain. 

There's some old fort on top that he wanted to see, and all the research said there's an easy way and hard way to get up there. The easy way takes longer but is more scenic, so that's what we did. Well! It was an Olympic feat for my sandlapper glutes. I had to stop a few times to catch my brea... I mean, look at the scenery. EisenEars had no trouble ascending what I had to assume was a small alp. 

The fort had the most beautiful garden areas, a big tower, a creepy dungeon, a sad falcon in a cage... 

Brett stopped for a salad and cappuccino.

We ran into Don and Lollie finishing their climb up as we were leaving - sounds like they didn't have near the trouble conquering the summit that I did. (They have hills where they live. That's it... right?) We took "the hard way" back down and not only was it certainly less treacherous, I'm suspicious that it's the easier way. 

I sat on the porch with Dad, took a short nap, and woke up to wild-eyed Brett. He wanted adventure! We hopped on the train to the next town to look around. It had a beautiful waterfront, big grassy park, and beach! We dipped our toes in chilly Lake Como. Our best find was a children's game called "catch the poop!" (We had to type it into google translate.) "Flush the toilet, catch the poop, win the game!" Then we found an actual grocery store. We'd been needing one of these back in Varenna. We bought a handful of things we knew we needed back at the house before deciding we just needed to bring the family here.

Got home in time for some porch-sittin'. 

"Catch the poop" was a real hit with the family. We even noticed the one of the poops was sporting some corn kernels. 

For dinner we had a real live Italian person do us a big meal. It was lovely - the best split pea soup! - but we all actually prefer the food we've been cooking. The produce here is so fresh and delicious. Everything we make just tastes so much better than at home. 

Tonight we finally started the Shanghai tournament with an accompanying Monopoly card game. Dad serenaded the family with "The Impossible Dream."

We ate cookies and stayed up past midnight. 

May 29

Up and back to the grumpy coffee shop for another pistachio croissant. The whole family came too, except Ellen and Lee. Brett and I were warmly greeted by the cranky barista from a few days ago. We're winning her over.

We led the clan back to the town with the grocery store. (Bellano) Visited a big waterfall/aquifer situation. Very cool! Lots of moss! Brett led the family over to the poop game but the shop was closed. I'm not sure who, but I felt confident that someone would have bought it - here's looking at Lollie ... for the grandkids of course.

This town has a beautiful waterfront main street. We had lunch in a little spot where Brett did in fact try grappa in his coffee and Lollie had the most beautiful salad. It had approximately 42 olives in it. We finally made it to the grocery store. The family loaded up with olive oil and coffee beans and this and that, and we hustled our loot back to the train station. Brett and I ran ahead with the refrigeratables. "The train leaves in 5 minutes!" but in true Italian fashion, it was running 10 minutes behind, so once the parents caught up, we crowded the foodstuffs into a shady patch while we waited. 

I had a huge nap and then woke up at 5:00 for gelato with Mama, Lollie, and Brett. I write this now on the patio with the rest of the family. We've decided to do an every-man-for-himself night for dinner. "It's date night!" Ellen and Lee went off to a restaurant. Mom and Dad decided to stay-in with a homemade charcuterie board. When Don and Lollie, and then Brett and I caught wind of this we all said, "Well that sounds great!" So six of us enjoyed our date night together. 

After dinner we played Shanghai on the patio. Lee joined us for the tournament and Ellen went to bed. For entertainment during the card game, Brett pulled up a YouTube mix of "Name that 60's theme song" and the parents really belted out their favorites. We made it all the way through to the early 2000's before we called it a night. 

As everyone prepared for bed, Dad and Don serenaded the family with "Everybody loves somebody sometime."

Notes and Observations:

-Haven't seen much of Ellen and Lee

-The food here is just better. Furthers my gruff with the US food system. The food coming out of our kitchen is the best we're having,

-Don keeps drinking a lot of coffee

-Lee has also befriended a shop owner where he goes daily for sandwiches

-I'm beginning to feel anxious about the flight home. Not sure what to do about that. 

On The First Day...

Normally I make a point of sparing you a day-by-day recount of vacation events. "We woke up, had breakfast..." 

But in reading my captain's log from our grand Italian adventure, I found myself chuckling with familiar glee as I mused back through our days. The best parts of these kinds of things, to me, are the little interpersonal exchanges and delights - no so much the action-packed excursions we took that day. Put my favorite people in a house together and I'll be thrilled, doesn't matter where in the world we are... though I'm quite partial to our Italian villa scenery. 

In this case, muttering with my people while all of us were processing and observing new things resulted in tons of fun moments. So I'm going day-by-day with this one. I will, however, glaze past the initial day of travel because it was somewhat hellacious for everyone. Lots of delays, missed connections, one nauseating flight, and in my case, a really big and unexpected panic-attack that comes into play later on in my reporting. Also, Ellen, Lee, Brett, and I lost our luggage in Germany.

So, it was around lunchtime in Varenna... 

DAY 1

The kids were the first to the house so Ellen met with the owner who gave us a painfully slow tour. "This is the kitchen sink... the light switch is here..." but finally he left and we were able to explore the big, gorgeous, rambling home. Stunning views! Amazing gardens!

Mom and Dad arrived just 30 minutes later - tired. They haven't been sleeping. After a quick catch-up, the fellas ran to a grocery store to get supplies for dinner. The Hons arrived around dinnertime and we all giggled and gabbed and gave them the tour. We had a big al fresco dinner on the most beautiful balcony in all the land. Brett made homemade spaghetti and we had olives, fresh bread, and salad. It couldn't have been more magnificent. 

Lollie was on a mission to get gelato just as soon as possible, so despite the pull to finally sleep, we wandered into town right after dinner for our first scoops of the trip. Delicious.
Papa Don made me laugh with his musings about cobblestones and the great marble shortage of 1940 - resulting in having to "plug in some bricks on occasion."
Early bedtime for everyone. Took a glorious hot shower, borrowed clothes to sleep in. 

Noted highlights/ comments:

-"She's pretty and all but I wouldn't take her to prom." -Dad (referencing Mom)
-Brett developed immediate obsession with olive oil. Almost seems heartbroken about it.
-Strangely, Lee travels with bar rags and koozies. We needed both tonight. He was the days hero of the day!

DAY 2

Slow morning w/ coffee and espresso on multiple levels of the house. Dad is posted on duty in case of potential luggage collection. Lollie, Don, Mama, Brett, and I wandered into town.  There are strangely pruned trees. Don says they probably trimmed them wrong once but wouldn't admit it so they kept going with it. Brett bought us some focaccia bread from a little hole in the wall shop and it's the best bread we've ever eaten. We munched and wandered past Villa Monasero - some big swanky place they charge you to come see. We stood on the road above it and looked down into it. Mostly we watched girls pose for their Instagram photos. Lollie audibly cackled while Mom and I cringed. 

Don and Brett lagged behind us for most of the walk - discussing all kinds of things including the possibility of using the town fountain as a large bidet. 

Don notes:

-started his day by stepping out onto the balcony and yelling at us in Italian.

-Did not like being called ClaireVoyant

-Blurts out Italian sounds on occasion

-When asked if he speaks English, he responds "Non!" with an Italian lilt.

-He's had a lot of coffee today.

When the noontime bells rang, Lollie felt her own bells ring and needed to get back to the house right away. She hustled us along, telling Don to pick up the pace because she needed to go - to which he responded "me too!" - and it was all so urgent, until they saw the gelato shop and suddenly they both could hold it. Brett and I went on home but they stayed behind for a sweet treat. 

The rest of the day was spent with the family coming and going from the patio. People would nod off, go into town, snack, chat, listen to music. There was a most excellent conversation of Dad trying to loan Brett some underwear. (We're still waiting on luggage.) The collective laugher about skid marks, discoloration, the underwear's ability to stand upright on it's own was just too much.  

Ellen mostly stayed in her room today but came out once to see if we could find a clothing store. 

"Your Dad wants me to wear his underwear!" - Brett

Brief chat about bunions.

We had dinner at a restaurant with the most beautiful view - on a cliff somewhere, at sunset. We all started out like normal people but were all cackling by the end of it. Lollie especially enjoyed my gnocchi. Best gnocchi I've ever had. Don was talking to Brett and accidentally called him "Big Boy" and then said, "I didn't mean to call you Big Boy... wanna wear my underwear?" We all had a great time. 

Noted highlights / comments:

-Lollie is committed to a gelato a day but with a potential goal of two daily.

-"Except for the company, this is a lovely dinner." - Brett

- Hopeful for suitcases tomorrow.