There You Have It

It's all over. We're all home and back into our routines, though the holidays have added a significant amount of sweet treats and "Christmas naps."

You don't know it, but I sat here motionless for ten minutes after writing that last statement because I don't have anything to say. I'm thinking about the fact that I really need to go to the post office and I that never logged my miles for work last week. Also, my credit card was stolen and there's a hole in my favorite jeans. I'm mentally preoccupied see. I'll tell you all about what's going on in my head later. I know you can't wait to read my complaints. 

So, here are my last few trip photos. Stare longingly at them. Maybe they'll come to life.

Last Stop: Cozumel

Our venture wrapped up in Mexico. A sensational ending to a sensational trip. Rather than broadening our horizons and studying a new culture, we went to the beach. A real Mexican beach and by golly I'll never recover. Look at this place!

It was warm with a breeze and we spent an afternoon slumped here eating fajitas and the best nachos I've ever had. I still think about those nachos. Ellen, Chris, and I did venture into the water however I found it a tad too chilly to enjoy for prolonged periods. This is all I have to tell you about. It was a slump day and it was wonderful.

A Rainy Day in Costa Rica

We met Charlie on a small bus next to a dirty park filled with what looked like trouble-making teenagers. Charlie was a fat man with big round eyes and full, happy cheeks. Charlie was our tour guide for the day.

“Lots of stops today happy people.” he told us as we joined the small group on his bus.

The first stop of our tour was a roadside fruit stand where we tasted sugar cane and various tropical fruits. Charlie earnestly explained how to make sugar from sugar cane and then he looked at us expectantly. Charlie often looked as though he was waiting for a response of some kind though he rarely took a breath between fun facts. I thought Charlie was adorable, if not a little unorganized. While we were here, the cutest little 5 year old boy I’ve ever seen in my life tugged on my shorts and then held out a big, red hibiscus flower. I smiled at him and knelt down to his level where he tucked that flower behind my ear with his tiny little hands and smiled sheepishly. I thanked him and stood and turned. As I turned, Ellen was also turning and as we faced each other our gazes went straight to the flower tucked behind both of our ears. Our smug smiles instantly turned into frowns of betrayal and then we noticed that those terrible little kids were following us around. Waiting for money.

Charlie loaded us all back onto the bus and talked about the economy in Costa Rica. His accent was very thick and it took much translating to follow his train of thought. While the bus driver remained silent, Charlie would stand in the front of the bus, facing us and would sway and shuffle around as we weaved up hills and around corners. Even when Charlie would fall into people, he kept talking and smiling and telling us facts.

Our next stop was the Chiquita Banana Plantation which, as it was a Sunday, was completely deserted. There were other tour groups there but Charlie led us through rows of banana trees talking about how the bananas grow in pods and how the trees rely on each other to grow. He said “banana” twice in every sentence and Ellen became quite amused by this. At some point he said something about the “master banana” which struck all of us as very funny and has become Buddy’s latest nickname. Also, as I mentioned before, I was attacked by ants in this place. These were robust, Costa Rican Banana Ants so don’t you roll your eyes!

As we plowed on down the road, Charlie shouted for the driver to stop the bus. He swung open the door, shuffled down the steps and then hustled over to a fruit tree. He plucked a brown sphere from the tree, climbed back onto the bus and had the driver “vamonos.” He opened that little fruit pod and smashed his fat finger around inside, stirring and pressing and when he was finished he pulled out his finger that was now covered in a bright red oil and he painted his nose with his finger. “Uh huh.” he said, pleased with his work. His giant smile lit up the whole bus and he wore that red nose for the rest of the day.

Charlie led us down the road and around the corner and stuffed us all into a river boat and took us through the tropical jungle to look at animals and critters in the surrounding greenery. Most of all, I was excited to see sloths hanging out way up in the tops of the trees. We saw about four of them and I was actually surprised by just how slowly they move. Movement for them seems competely exhausting.

For our last venture, we rode out to the beach and were fed lunch in a neat open-air restaurant just a few steps from the water. It was a delicious lunch and we even found a little Buddy.
I've decided I'm going to have to come back here someday. I can just imagine it with sunshine.

Happy Happy Christmas

I interrupt my sluggish cruise blogging to acknowledge Christmas and wish you all a happy one. I don't think I acknowledged Halloween or Thanksgiving this year on account of work standing in the way of my really getting into the spirit of things and partaking in celebrations. It's just been so busy!

A whole whirlwind year if you ask me but you didn't, so. Anyways, you can't go ignoring Christmas because it's important and lovely. Homey and warm. Baked treats and holiday tunes. The miraculous tale of baby Jesus and those wandering wise men. These are all important things.

So then, Merry Christmas to you! I hope it's enchanting.

Grand Cayman: The Redemption

The first stop of the whole trek was in Grand Cayman. If you recall, the last time I was here, Ellen ditched me by hopping on that chicken caravan and leaving me to the two powerhouse trinket shoppers, all day, in a bathing suit. Yes, I’m still mad.

This go round, Ellen and Chris hopped off the boat early in the morning to go scuba diving. Us other three were simply, not invited. This worked out though because Mom would never intentionally submerge her head into any body of water and Dad and I can’t go too far underwater because of our dainty ears. This is one of the most devastating aspects of my entire life. You know how much I love water! And animals! Ugh. How I’d love to swim with them. Just be one for a day.

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, Grand Cayman. Us three met those other two in the center of town a little before lunchtime. This is where I was shot in the eye with a rubber band by a local girl.

“That hit you?“ she asked with no ounce of concern.

“Yeah” I said, covering my left eye with my fingers.

“I sorry.” she said, shifting her attention back to her paper work.

Then the five of us sat on a bench for thirty minutes. We were waiting on a bus, quite silently I might add. No one had much to say at all and I was fuming and pressing on my eye. When the bus did finally come it drove us through town and out the other side to a colorful marina that was packed full of beautiful sailboats. We hopped off the bus and boarded a tacky, multicolored boat with about thirty other people. We plowed through the brilliant, turquoise water for thirty minutes and once we arrived to the middle of nowhere, we jumped off of the boat and into the waist deep water.

And then we waited. Just a few minutes went by before we were surrounded by stingrays. Really big stingrays. And some tiny little guys too. Tons of them. And so we spent some time petting and holding them. Lifting them high out of the water until they spit water at your face to put them back down. Stingrays are sweet, blasé creatures. I say this well aware that the stingrays I encountered must strategically spend everyday here on this sandbar, waiting for the tacky boat full of sun-block marinated humans to show up and feed them bits of squid and have Stingray Love TIme. I imagine I only encountered some of the world's happiest stingrays. Nevertheless, they are still slightly frightening by no fault of their own and have a way of sneaking up on you and brushing past your ankles when you least expect it.

They’re rubbery and smooth. They feel like really old rubberbands. We learned that they are in fact, gentle creatures that don’t want to stab their barb through your body anymore than you wish to be stabbed. They only get the one the barb so they don’t want to waste it. Stingrays also have a major blind spot on account of their eyes being so far apart and pointing relatively different directions. Therefore it is important to stay right in front of the little guys so they can see you with both eyes.

Ol’ Steve Irwin see, he snuck up behind a stingray and lifted her high up out the water. Well that poor stingray went into panic mode and stabbed ol' Steve right through the heart but only cause Steve was holding her there. They aren’t trained killers but they sure don’t like being startled.

The only aspect that contributed some danger to our day was the rough seas we were standing in. It was choppy out and our location on a sandbar in the center of a huge bay made for some sizable waves that blew us around, crashing us into each other and our bright-eyed tour guide whose name I couldn’t understand. He had enchanting eyes though. The trouble was that all of our flailing, stomping legs made for dangerous roads for the stingrays. If you step on one you could break its little spine or scare it enough to barb you.

“Just keep your feet planted.” Bright-eyes told us as the water dragged us farther out to sea. With the rubbery rays weaving around our ankles it proved to be very difficult to not step on them. Ellen seemed a bit nervous about the stingrays and spent much of her time just floating, afraid to step on one or be caught off guard.

One woman, probably in her sixties, continuously let out bloodcurdling screams anytime a ray showed up unannounced. She would stomp and splash and scream and while it made all of us laugh, she was completely obnoxious. Brighteyes rolled his bright eyes at her as he had just warned her about causing a scene. 

We each got to hold a big stingray, except Ellen who did not wish to love on one. They’re very heavy. Brighteyes told us that females are always significantly larger than males and the one we held weighed about sixty pounds. Just before it was time to hop back in the boat, Brighteyes had me make a fist and he then stuffed a hunk of squid into the center of it and pushed my hand under water. I waited nervously. Then Brighteyes dangled a stingray over my hand and that little guy sucked the squid out of my fist with such force that I feared for the life of my fingers. It was world’s strongest vacuum cleaner mouth. It was very unexpected and kind of adorable.

As we rounded out our Stingray Love Time, some local fella blew into a conch shell and told everyone it was time to get back on their boats. The rough waves made this difficult and people were wiping out right and left. Slippin' and sliding' and laughing riotously. 

Gosh I miss the stingrays. I didn't want this to be over.

Belize and The Panama Canal

Just so you know, these two places have nothing to do with each other. They're not even neighbors. The common denominator here is that I don't have much to say about either of them.

The Panama Canal infatuated my entire family, particularly Ellen, which was so unexpected I somehow became mad about it. The Panama Canal is a series of large-scale bathtubs that they fill and drain all day. And for some reason, it really enthralls people.

It was a rainy day in Panama though the grey sky made the lush greenery look even more brilliant in hue. Panama is reminiscent of the Jurassic Park scenery and I kept waiting for a sleepy brontosaurus to emerge from the distant mist. We stopped first at the Gatun Locks where we watched a cargo ship and a submarine pass through a shallow bathtub and then wait patiently for them to fill it up into a deep bathtub.

While people gawked and stared in an adrenaline pumping display of water rising inch by inch, I smiled and waved at the Peruvian military.

Finally they filled the next bathtub and the boats were on their way. I realized later that my complete disinterest in the place came about because I was expecting something entirely different and I really knew nothing about it anyways. The Panama Canal was alway this big grand thing you heard about that changed so much for the world. I imagined it so much more, well, grandiose. Also, no one explained to me how two different seas could have two different water-levels. I've got it now, thanks, but it's too late. I was unimpressed and Ellen was scampering all over pointing at things and being interested. I don't get it. Of all people.

We were also taken over to the construction site where the new locks are being built. So, we got to stare at that for a while. The best thing to come out of my Panama trip was this really snazzy coffee cup I found in the gift shop. Now that I'm home and I've done some research I'd like to retract a small percentage of my boredom and say that it's actually a pretty cool concept. So there.

Belize, on the other hand, is a dangerous enigma. We arrived just off the coast in the early morning but had to stay bobbing about at sea because the water surrounding Belize is very shallow. We hopped on a tender and rode up to the port where we were urged to not go into the city unless as a part of a tour group. It's dangerous and crime riddled, they told us. Our travel agent Ellen, had not preplanned an adventure for us here so we simply wandered around the Tourist Village and then scampered off back to the ship and had ice cream.

Can you Belize that? 

Contrary to my thoughts towards Panama, I was very interested in Belize on account of a project I did on the country way back in the sixth grade. I always felt akin to the red beans and rice lifestyle and I've always wanted to go see the Great Blue Hole. I was fairly surprised to hear that it wasn't safe for wandering foreigners as I remember reporting about a happy, tropical culture and their appetite for flavored rum.

A highlight of our moment in Belize was our tender ride back to the boat. Though I'm not sure how it came about, I looked over to find Dad silently and subtly mimicking a very prolonged vomiting. The tender was jam packed full of people and we had other folks on either side of us. I chuckled softly. Mom looked over. Dad realized he had all of our full attention and began a cat-like hiccuping, silently surging his head forward and backwards with his cheeks full of air. No one around us seemed to notice. His show got bigger and grander and as the imaginary vomit built, his eyes opened wider and wider until suddenly, he leaned sideways and pretended to hurl all over the sleeping man sitting next to him. 

We enjoyed this thoroughly while not a single other soul seemed to notice.

Cartagena

Of all the stops we made, Cartagena was my favorite. Having only previously heard of this city in stories of drug cartels and ne'er-do-wells, I couldn't reason why such a place would be a stop on an Old Folks tour of the Western Caribbean.

But dude, the colors in this place. I know I've said that before but, dude.
I want to move here and live in a yellow house covered in bougainvillea. And eat lots of fruit.

It was a bit of an overcast day when we arrived but the five of us and one other couple took a guided tour through town led by a guy named Caesar. Caesar is from Colombia but he went to college up in New York and therefore speaks perfect English and understood and appreciated all of Dad's cheap shots. We all really liked Caesar. He led us all around town and told us some very interesting fun facts about Cartagena including the fact that it has been cleaned up a good bit since it's prime cartel days. The place really has quite an interesting history which is big of me to say because usually I nod off when people start talking dates. More interesting, I'd say, is it's cultural history. Such a blend -resulting in one of the most colorful places full of lush, vibrant flowers that I've ever seen.

Here's Caesar on the right.

And here is a picture of Ellen in me in front of a fat lady statue. Why the helmets, you ask?

Did I mention Caesar was leading us on a Segway tour?

Nerd Alert!!

Y'all these things are so embarrassing and so much fun. We're now trying to work out how we can justify having one around the house. It's not going so well. 

We zoomed all over town on these things and while Caesar has had this business for some time now, the locals still guffaw and appear disgusted by the fat, lazy tourists that ride them. One woman shouted, "Nerdo!" which is self explanatory but Caesar proudly translated for us anyway. He laughed heartily at himself and our reactions and then led us through a busy town square where an Australian tourist could be heard chastising us for being too lazy to walk through town. 

Dad instantly took to seeing how fast he could go. He and Chris would let the group of us get way ahead and then they would plow forward. "I wanna really open her up." Dad told Caesar, who seemed to understand that urge and nodded sympathetically. The funny thing about these Segways is that you have to lean them against something when you're not on one or else it will just go. It will plow down the street with no driver and no way to stop it. You lean whichever direction you want to go and to turn you tip the handle right or left. Chris was bucked off of his Segway when he tried to turn and go backwards at the same time. "They don't like doing that." Caesar said of the Segways.

This was such a fun way to cover lots of ground really quickly but it also explains why I have so few colorful photos. I was busy driving see, but I beg you to scroll down this page, Cartagena Photos, to see just how lovely it is. It's going to make you have to visit straight away.