Hashtag OMG!

This month has been jam packed with things and meetings and visits and feelings and problems and a really big jar of Nutella. I have lots of thoughts and little life lessons I've already learned about the business world but I feel like everyone older than me knows this stuff already and I'm also afraid of my little blog space just becoming a log of how I felt while I tried starting a business. I will state that I've never been ignored more in my life until "LLC" became a part of my email signature. It's like people don't want to do their job or something. For two weeks I was convinced that my business email account didn't work at all so I emailed all of my friends just asking them to respond to my message if they got it. The most disheartening part was that all of my friends responded, which means all of the companies and plugs I'm trying to work with have simply chosen to ignore me. I find that very difficult to accept.

I also had my first real night of worry. I'm not sure of the origins of my worry. It was a general panic. It was a "Why did I think I could do this?" night where I drew up a picture of my life and my personality and skills and flaws and I overlaid that drawing on my mental picture of Lux & Union and realized they are very different pictures and the only parts that overlap and mesh perfectly with my vision of my business are the parts of me I keep tucked away and don't share with people.
In short, I've always chosen to not be cool. I have few friends. It does not take me to have a party. I've always lived on the edge of the "in" crowd. They know me and like me but I'm not like them and they know it. Now this isn't self-pity. I've chosen to live there because I just can't sell myself out. I don't feel right following the crowd. I don't 'lol' and 'omg' or walk around with Starbucks cups just because. I feel exceptionally stupid hashtagging things. I think lots of people secretly cringe about these things but unfortunately, these things lead to acceptance.
Now my point, I realized my business could very easily wind up on this very line that my personal life lives on. "She does great florals but she just doesn't get it." the brides might sneer. What if they can tell that I'm not the kind of person that adapts to mindless following? Thats usually what gives me the boot.
So I have this dilemma you see, where I don't know how to be anyone but me and normally, I wouldn't make the cut. This doesn't hurt my feelings, it just scares me a little. Do I sell out for the possibility of fake but quick success? I have bills to pay you know. Or do I do it the slow, quiet Laura way, only appreciated by the few free thinkers of today and subsequently have less success at the start and hope something in me finds a way to change the momentum?

I know I know. I do it the Laura way. I just don't want to this time. The Laura way is exhausting and kind of lonely and if you had to hang out with Laura all day you'd hashtag anything they want just for a chance to talk to someone new.
I guess for the first time in my life I'm scared people will realized I'm different. Or maybe for the the first time it's occurred to me that being different won't make me better. That's a new sensation. One that calls for Nutella.

Anyways, here I am with a flower arrangement I made for an Italian themed wedding this week. This was a very special event, not at all what you think, and served as a kind of debut for Lux. I'm very excited to tell you about it but I'm not allowed to just yet. Did you know there was so much secrecy in the wedding blog world?