Inmate Update Part 2

Grace arrived home from prison-boot camp with a wild look in her eyes. She followed each of the commands her trainer gave to her and then climbed the back deck and waited by the door to be let in. We said goodbye to trainer Simms, had a brief reunion with Pippa, and then let Grace curl up in her favorite spot on the couch for the first time in four weeks. 

Grace and Pippa had almost no reaction to each other except that Pippa tried to hump Grace which we've never seen her do before so we were equal parts tickled and terrified. Those first few days home with Grace were the most difficult. She was dead-set on disobedience. It was her way of informing us that she will not be adhering to any new rules or protocols. We would zap her collar for each ignored command and she would brace herself for the hit. She would slowly walk backwards when I told her to "come." She frequently backed herself all the way into the garage while I had the zapper turned up to 30. (Usually a 12 gets her attention.) I'd concede and come into the garage to grab her and physically act out "come" and then she would run away from me. I'd come in fuming. Brett would gave it a try. He'd come in even angrier. For about a week Brett would take Grace out to practice her commands and from any point in the house I would just hear Brett screaming for her to come back. 

On week two we had a fifty percent success rate. Sometimes she would do her task with a fiendish excitement. She run up and sit and then wiggle her butt and look up at us and smile. Moments later she'd bolt for the garage. 
By now Grace had learned that it's most worth her time to just do it on the first ask so we'll leave her alone. Occasionally she gets the better of herself and takes off with that wild look in her eyes. Also, we realized that she discovered a way to arch her neck so that the electric zaps trail off into her fur instead of her skin. We had to tighten her collar. Together, Pip and Grace act just like they did before except that if we ask for their attention, they will give it to us. They are now very good dogs to take on walks and we have little "place mats" where we can put them when we need them to stay out of our way. They can do whatever they want to on the mats, they just cannot step off of them. Pippa hates to be "on place." Grace loves it because it means she can lay down. 

The girls carry on in a familiar fashion and seem to be getting along. We monitor Pippa's harassment attempts and also do not allow Grace to have toys unless she's isolated. This seems to help them tolerate each other. But all of that said, we are certain that if they decided to fight each other, our commands would nary be heard. 

Luckily Simms taught us how to choke them out. Just in case.

Brett Works from Home: Days 238 - 243

Tomorrow makes 8 months of Brett working from Black Pig Farms. 
Thought I'd celebrate with a character study. 

My doing this is evidence of my lunacy. I probably shouldn't share it. My favorite activity is getting a rise out of Brett but don't be fooled. He worked right through my silent performances and on occasion was participating in important conference calls while his wife pretend to swing from a vine behind him. Brett loved my Frieda Kahlo, cringed and shrieked at my Avett Brother hybrid and seriously considered my getting a tattoo. I'd emerge around the corner in my day's persona and Brett would let out an elated, "Lu!!"

I initially thought to distinguish this collection from the first by doing "The Portrait Series" but I found it limited my creativity. 

Brett says he married a true artist. So.

Asheville

For Halloween weekend, Bubbles and I went up to Asheville with Ellie and Caroline. We rented a little house in Weaverville and spent most of the weekend riding Ellie's Tesla in and out and all around. By "we" I mean Brett. We gals were happy to be chauffeured and Brett was delighted to tinker with all that is not inside of a Tesla. Have you been in one? There's nothing in there but a steering wheel and a screen mounted to the dashboard. It's oddly empty in there and somehow Brett still found settings and options to futz around with. He also found a humorous feature that lets out pooting sounds from different seats in the car. It's called "Fart Mode" but never mind all that. We drove the Blue Ridge Parkway and squealed and squirmed as we navigated trickier mountain roads. We all admired the scenery. Brett admired the car.

The night we arrived was the only warm evening so we sat on the porch up in the trees of our Air Bn'b. We had grey or rainy days during our visit and we think we missed the leaves by a week or two but that didn't bring down morale except on my part when I realized I wouldn't get to take colorful leaf pictures. We suited up and headed out for misty drives and soggy hikes. The best part of venturing off with friends is watching them interact in a foreign habitat. I've known Ellie for decades but I've never known Ellie in the role of "exploring a new place" nor do I read into her and Caroline's everyday interactions. You get to do that when you share a place for four days so my armchair psychiatrist ears we're taking in as much as possible and I came home with many a juicy thought on travel habits and relationships, both gay and regular.

We did a bit of hiking, spent a day wandering and eating in Asheville, and ended our trip with a sunny day and a much too expensive lunch on the piazza at the Grove Park Inn. At night we played cards and cooked strange rental-house suppers and tried to find scary movies to watch while we waited for our next meals. This endeavor came with many qualifications to meet. Not too scary. Not too stupid. Nothing made before Caroline's birth year - strange rule of Caroline's. And something else that I cannot remember because I don't like scary movies and was uninterested in watching them. I often took this time to nap or mull over my life choices but of the ones I did see ... just the stupidest. Not even scary. Just stupid. I banned the lot of them from choosing movies.

On halloween day, Ellie and Caroline walked around all day dressed as a baseball family. Brett and I thought that one of the perks of going to Asheville over Halloween weekend meant not having to come up with costumes. We received a "can't wait to show you our costumes" text from Ellie a week prior and were forced to come up with something on the fly. We did our best with what we had on hand though I did have to visit the women's section to find a turtleneck big enough for Brett.

Most of all things, it was so nice to get out of town for a few days with no real plans and even fewer responsibilities. Fun friends really make all the difference. We had heaps of fun and are already planning a repeat trip for the same time next year. 

October

In October I was at a loss to pump my own gas. I've been a proud gas pumper since 15, maybe earlier if you count the times I asked Mom and Dad to let me do it. But there I was, squeezing and shimmying the pump to no avail. I canceled the transaction and started again. Credit, yes. Zip code, 29412, receipt, no. Insert the nozzle, press the big button, squeeze the handle and .... nothing. I looked around me for hidden cameras. Is this some kind of joke? 

I did this three times, canceled the last attempt again and backed my car up to the pump behind me. Credit, zip, receipt, squeeze and .... seriously, what gives? I studied the panel in front of me. Red pump or blue pump? Blue pump is the same color as my 89 ethanol-cheapest-gas blend. Red pump is the same color as the 91-premium-gas. I don't want premium. I want the cheap blue gas. I marched my indignation into the gas station.

"Excuse me?" I said to the short man behind the counter. 
He spun to face me. He was a she. 
"Hello Ma'am. Either something's wrong with your pumps or I'm as simple as my Mom says I am."

The butch woman laughed at me and explained the basics of gas pumping. 

"I've been successfully pumping for years," I assured her. "I did all those things. I think it might just be me," and I smiled with as much charm as an imbecile could muster. She made me go try again, certain that her Intro to Gas seminar was all I needed. I thanked her and stepped outside again. Attempt number 4 and .... nothing. I oozed back into the shop.

"I told you it was me!"
The tough gal came out from behind her counter and walked over to the pump with me. 
"Put your card in..." etc. and then I reached for the blue handle. 
"Don't you want regular gas?" she asked.
"Indeedles," By now she was an old friend. 
"Then you want the red handle."
"The red handle is supreme."
"No it isn't."
"But they're the same color."
"All gas is the same color."
"Don't you do that! Blue for regular. Red for supreme. See the colors?" and I darted my pointer finger between the pump handles and the coordinating colored options."
"The red handle does all three options. The blue handle is separate. It's ethanol free gas."
"Have y'all thought of labelling these things?"
She grinned at me. "It's not usually a problem."

I remained outraged by the misunderstanding and thanked her sheepishly for walking me through an everyday process. She winked at me and went back inside. I was indignant all day. 

Other October highlights include Grace's homecoming, a brief Edisto beach visit, and a plethora of full-sized weddings. It was a busy month. For a minute there it felt like life before Covid. 

Scenes from October, starting with my beautiful mama.

Babies took over the Edisto visit.

We FINALLY got a bed. Good riddance to floor sleeping.

Brett divides his time between jealous girlfriends. 

Brett called in a Chipotle order. I picked it up and found this offense. The employee gave me a strange look when I asked for the order. On the right there, I pushed Brett down into a hole and wouldn't let him up. We do this often and it's endlessly amusing.

I had to call in the big guns for a Boone Hall wedding early in the month. Mom, Brett, and Aunt Melody came to help me get all the greens out in time and look how beautiful it all turned out.

The next weekend I had to enlist sweet friend Jessie to help with a wedding that took place on the most magical piece of property out in Hollywood. Oooh it was a great old house on the water with the best trees and a big horse pasture. The last wedding of the month was on a big empty chuck of land along the Ashley River and Brett loved it so much he suggested we kill off our parents and use the inheritance to make an offer on the property. 

If we just didn't like them so much....