Since He's Been Gone

Life without my Jolly Lean Giant has been a rediscovery of my true self. The night he left I consumed an entire bag of gummy worms while binge watching Queer Eye. The night he left! I didn't even wait a few days to pretend I have learned anything over these last eight years bettering myself alongside a partner of such good intentions. Ooh I reverted back to college Lue immediately. 

Long before he stepped onto his first flight of the African adventure I knew I was not going to allow myself to be... myself. I suppose that initial decline that first night was prompted by knowing I had big shoes to fill in the subsequent weeks of singledom. So I gave myself one night. 

I made big plans; plans I won't reveal now on the off-chance Brett checks this blog during his next layover. (He's on his way home right now!) I want to surprise him. I have worked and slaved and toiled each and every day since he's been gone and I'm delighted to have discovered the depths of my productivity abilities. Turns out I really like working on projects that I came up with myself. I worked tirelessly into the nights, pushing off bedtime to achieve just a bit more. 

Who is this person? Upon my morning reflection times I've wondered about this burst of work ethic and why it's not around when Brett is. My first thought is that I choose to be lazy when Brett is here in the hopes that he will jump on the chores I don't want to do. He does the same thing, mind you. We love and hate the opposite house chores so it usually works out well. My second thought is that I more frequently do nothing when Brett is around so that I'll be available for any of his spontaneous whims. While that sounds like the standard of a repressed housewife, I assure you it's based off of enthusiastic giddiness about hanging out with The Big Guy. I can't start a big project on Saturday morning because Brett might be free for a few hours in the afternoon. I don't want to miss that! I discussed this theory with Mom as well as with Jessie, and both of them have the exact same patterns take place when their fellas leave town. "I get so much done when Chris isn't here," Big Mama said. 
"I feel kind of rude making my own plans without seeing what Alex is up to first. I don't want to miss out on him," Jessie said. I'm amused to find that this is a thing and I can now blame Brett and his existence anytime something doesn't get done in a timely manner. "But you were here!" I also noticed that I futzed around on my phone less. Turns out I only really scroll through instagram when I'm waiting on Brett to finish a workout or come home from errands, or some task that has about 10 minutes left, so don't go starting any big undertakings. Turns out I spend a lot of time waiting on Brett, happily. 

Since he's been gone, my friends have kept me entertained with Easter brunch, afternoon picnics, boat rides, and a great family dinner where we all noticed that our "napkins" were actually the hot-glued drapes Mom had decided she was done with. She cut them into little strips, placed them at the table setting, and then was shocked when we all found it so ridiculous. "Well I like that pattern. I thought we'd get one more use out of them."

I get to go pick Brett up from the airport in just a little bit and I am just so excited!

Life 'aint got no color when he isn't around.

Pep In The Step

I've been giving lots of pep talks lately - not because I'm particularly good at pep talks but because people seem to be floundering around in a frantic state. I've decided its due to the Spring giddiness factor. People want to be outside when it's so lovely. They want to go to the beach and see friends but they have work and other priorities. Then they get grumpy and sad. Jobs sure do make you miss out on some good things. 

I also seem to have some hyper-focused brides that have spent too much time analyzing each detail of their wedding day. "Well no wonder you're stressed!" I've had to tell a few that none of this actually matters. (The decor, not the wedding.) 

I like easing people's mental burdens. (Call someone else for the physical ones.) I hope I can get real good at that overtime. That's how Big Mama is. For someone so easily outraged by things, she knows just what to say to make you feel tough again. And sometimes she just points out that none of this actually matters. 
Papa Union on the other hand, well he'll give you actions to take to improve your situation. He's always right about it and lots of times you walk away feeling like your problem isn't a problem at all. ("It's an opportunity.") How could I have been so dramatic? But other times his solutions are scarier than your problem. 

Collectively, my folks are great people to go to when you're anything from slightly concerned, to covered in blood and being pursued by the police. There's a parent for either end of that spectrum. 

I hope I can be that great someday. 

Big Lue Goes to Grad School

You read that right. I start in three weeks so it's too late to talk me out of it. 

This blog wouldn't be called Awe Geez if I didn't elicit that response from my loved ones on regular occasions. All the thoughts you're having now about my previous excursions in educational institutions are still valid and I assure you the points have been thoroughly considered. I hated everything about school the whole way through and I still never want to go back to that place. 
The difference this time is my free will and my interest in the subject matter. See I never had those things before, thereby ensuring that I, in fact, am not headed back to that place. I chose this. No one to blame but me. Rest assured I've done extensive research on the expectations of the program, chatted with students and professors, and then confirmed my suspicions that it's perfect. 

There is a short answer and a long answer to what I'm studying, because the name of it doesn't tell you much. The short answer is that I'll walk out of there in two years with a Masters in Stickin' it to The Man. The longer answer is that it's a degree program designed for people looking to make positive changes within established systems, most notably ones that are ethically unsound or have "unintended" negative outcomes as a result of their efforts. 

It's a solution-based activism school. No picketing or paint-slingin'.
I'll admit that I mulled and toiled, hemmed and hawed, but with overenthusiastic encouragement from Brett, (the kid loves education) I applied, wrote a real knee-slapper of a personal statement, aced the interview, and was accepted to start this summer.

You won't be surprised to hear that I found out about the program through my farm animal advocating efforts.  I have been joy-filled, heart-broken and inspired since finding these organizations and meeting and scheming with the wonderful people within them. I've also been kind of grumpy too because no one ever told me activism is a real thing and I'd have been on this train ages ago. I probably could have skipped that decade of aimlessness. What's more like me than being gentle and kind and then forcing others to behave properly? I mean it. 
I thought "activist" was a hobbyist label like "tarot card reader" or "jigsaw puzzler." I didn't know people made a living making good changes - except for lawyers and politicians but how dull. That highlights my poor education. 

"What about people who run non-profits? Surely you've heard of them?" I have indeed, but I thought they actually made "no profits." I thought the people who kept them up and running were using their retirement money and government assistance. Also they always seem to be based on some icky medical thing that makes me woozy. How am I almost 32 and no one has ever explained that I could be doing good for the animals and still pay my bills? I'm legitimately mad about this. 

Enough about that. The school is in Maine but I can do all of this program online except for one class that I have to do in-person over two weeks. While I'm in it for the animal advocacy side of things, we will also study human rights, environmental ethics, and some other optional goodies like advocacy writing, solutionary education, creative activism, veganism, etc.

My friends have all been very excited for me, which is lovely, but a few folks have said, "Come on Lue, there's no money in activism." They might be right, but lucky for me I've never been money motivated. I'm way more excited about doing something good.

Bright Flowers Bright Futures

Let me tell you about all the fun. As Brett prepares to leave, he's got heaps and tons of work to do. He's been working until 8pm most nights for the last week. He's got his real work, his side work, his Engineers Without Borders work, prepping for a trek to Africa work (lots of vaccinations and papers), and he's also got me harassing him to come watch the latest episode of The Last Kingdom. "Come on, don't you want to see how Uhtred will get them out of this one?"

Meanwhile, I also had him build me a big frame thing for a wedding, Jessie stayed with us while she had meetings in town, and Clint has had Brett take over the hosting of a PAC get together that is happening the night before he leaves. Look at him here, cuddling his latest nephew, all serene and at peace. (Nick cried seconds later.)

Even though Jessie and Alex moved to Rochester, Jessie still works for a company here in town. She stayed with us while also saving the world one software launch at a time. She is our first ever house guest (what does that say about us?) and we used her as an excuse to eat recklessly and play Shanghai on a school night. 

Obviously Erik came to get in on the fun. Doesn't it look like fun? 

Meanwhile, Ellie and Caroline got to go to a wedding in Lisbon...

and Mattie ran off to Paris to get married...

Jessie heads to Amsterdam this week for more work meetings and watching all my friends enjoy springtime in Europe has really kicked up my wanderlust.

Mama has been dutifully reporting to my house on Saturday mornings to help with my weddings. We got to do one out at Boone Hall a few weekends ago and seeing all of my Mexican Loves really kicked up my farminglust. I miss that place. 

Last weekend, with the help of Brett's engineering, Dad's upper body strength, and Mom's long-suffering fingers, we made a little ceiling full of flowers for the happiest Spring wedding. It must have been secretly awful because my helpers all suddenly suggested they deserve compensation for their efforts. Psh! Just can't find good help.

I'm wrapping up my internship this month with some big activism-based plans on the horizon. I'll tell you more soon. I don't want to go making any official declarations just yet. Ellen and Lee continue to muddle through the newborn gauntlet with an assortment of surprises along the way. I wish I had more to report on there but I haven't had time to be a worthwhile aunt lately. I hope that will change soon... as in June. 

Lots will be different by June.