Friday July 25
9:00am- Mom shakes me awake with “You should probably get
up. We’re about ready to go.” Am perturbed she did not wake me up for breakfast
like I had asked. Frantically dress for arctic weather and guzzle cup of peach
yogurt.
9:15am- Back on road in tiny car. The group sings BeeGee’s
tunes.
9:45am- Arrive in Banff. Very cold and overcast. Am
discouraged to see mile long road of trinket stores.
10:00am- Visit expensive Fairmont Hotel. Hotel trinket
shopping resumes.
10:30am- Decide Fairmont is depressing and dungeon-like.
Discover mid-evil wench playing large harp in lobby.
11:15am- Park car in town outside of grand shopping area.
Very cold outside. Big mobs of tourist. Mom is forced to purchase tacky “Banff”
sweatshirt.
11:18am- Mom feels much better.
11:35am- Am sensationally hungry. Scowl at Mom for making me
miss breakfast.
12:45-1:45pm- Have tasty lunch in dark, underground pub. Find woman who resembles Judy Dench.
2:00pm- Sun emerges and illuminates half mile of stores we
have yet to tackle.
2:30pm-All take trinket shopping break on bench next to
giant man with tiny dog. Tiny dog trembles in cold. Big man says he’s
faking.
2:35pm- The gals tackle two more crap stores.
3:15pm- Rest on next set of benches. Again find same big man
and small dog.
3:20pm- Back on our feet. “Until the next bench.” Gerogia
tells the big man.
3:45pm- Am flabbergasted by amount of crap stores. We find
“Man of the Day” working in Creperie.
4:00pm- Stop for hot cup of tea in crowded coffee shop. We
sit amongst loose bags of garbage next to dishwasher. Coffee girl bangs dishes
around loudly. Find no relaxation here.
4:20pm- Can see Biggins and tiny dog on bench two shops
down. I buy silver magnet.
5:00pm- Last store tackled. All pile into clown car and drive home.
6:00-8:30pm- Consume vegetable lasagna. Mom and Carolyn
dance wildly to Youtube videos. Georgia glares at ridiculous behavior.
8:30-11:00pm- Watch various episodes of home improvement
television before retiring to giant beds.
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