Banff

Friday July 25

9:00am- Mom shakes me awake with “You should probably get up. We’re about ready to go.” Am perturbed she did not wake me up for breakfast like I had asked. Frantically dress for arctic weather and guzzle cup of peach yogurt.

9:15am- Back on road in tiny car. The group sings BeeGee’s tunes.

9:45am- Arrive in Banff. Very cold and overcast. Am discouraged to see mile long road of trinket stores.

10:00am- Visit expensive Fairmont Hotel. Hotel trinket shopping resumes.

10:30am- Decide Fairmont is depressing and dungeon-like. Discover mid-evil wench playing large harp in lobby.

11:15am- Park car in town outside of grand shopping area. Very cold outside. Big mobs of tourist. Mom is forced to purchase tacky “Banff” sweatshirt.

11:18am- Mom feels much better.

11:35am- Am sensationally hungry. Scowl at Mom for making me miss breakfast.

12:45-1:45pm- Have tasty lunch in dark, underground pub. Find woman who resembles Judy Dench.

2:00pm- Sun emerges and illuminates half mile of stores we have yet to tackle.

2:30pm-All take trinket shopping break on bench next to giant man with tiny dog. Tiny dog trembles in cold. Big man says he’s faking.

2:35pm- The gals tackle two more crap stores.

3:15pm- Rest on next set of benches. Again find same big man and small dog.

3:20pm- Back on our feet. “Until the next bench.” Gerogia tells the big man.

3:45pm- Am flabbergasted by amount of crap stores. We find “Man of the Day” working in Creperie.

4:00pm- Stop for hot cup of tea in crowded coffee shop. We sit amongst loose bags of garbage next to dishwasher. Coffee girl bangs dishes around loudly. Find no relaxation here. 

4:20pm- Can see Biggins and tiny dog on bench two shops down. I buy silver magnet.

5:00pm- Last store tackled. All pile into clown car and drive home.

6:00-8:30pm- Consume vegetable lasagna. Mom and Carolyn dance wildly to Youtube videos. Georgia glares at ridiculous behavior.

8:30-11:00pm- Watch various episodes of home improvement television before retiring to giant beds.