A Farewell to Baxter

We put Baxter to sleep on Tuesday. He was really struggling and we could smell him rotting away. I feel a little guilty writing a goodbye post for Baxter when I did no such thing for Annabelle when she moved along a few months back. I guess it’s that Baxter had more of a household presence than Annie.

Annie was a wild woman. She spent most her time alone and outside. Annie was always hunting for critters and seeking adventure. She rarely came inside and she maintained a healthy distance between her and us. She certainly loved us and would indulge in the occasional Kitty Love Time but mostly she lived in her own adventure. Annie was my cat.

Baxter was sociable and required lots of attention and gifts. Baxter was Ellen’s cat. Baxter proudly took up most of the sofa, curled up under your legs, and yapped and meowed until he got what he wanted. He was in your face. All the time. There is a noticeable lack of Baxter where as we can just pretend Annie is out exploring.

Mom is very sad about Baxter. Ellen was also quite upset the day of and the tears in their turquoise eyes made their gazes the most brilliant shades of blue. I tried to get home before Baxter’s appointment to spare either of them the long car ride to the vet with Baxie crying in the backseat but I didn’t make it and I passed Ellen in the road. I could see her puffy blue eyes through her windshield. I feared going into the house. Sniveling Mom is not something I see often and my inability to cry made me feel like I wasn’t genuine -as a listener, comforter, or deceased-pet owner.

As I distracted Mom with tales from my day as a lunch lady (more on that later) I wondered if I'll be a Baxter or an Annie when I die. Will people go, “Well, she’ll like this new adventure.” 

I am awfully excited to go to heaven someday. Or will they be so exposed to the lack of me that they just can’t recover? I don’t want to do that to anyone. Am I a combo Annie-Baxter? That seems alright I guess. And then I realized I was on a self-focused insight bender when the only other human around was grieving. I’m such a jerk.

Were a cat-less home now. Something I think Mom is actually a bit relieved about, for a little while anyway. No more litter boxes or being pushed out of bed at night by a tiny creature. Now we just have Buddy to contend with which really, is like having a dozen kittens year round anyway.