Maggie and the Power of Festering

At Ari’s eighth birthday party her friend Maggie broke one of my toys and then, for no apparent reason, kicked me square in the back while I was minding my own business on a little wooden swing in the corner of Ari’s yard. I’ve hated Maggie ever since.

Shortly after, Maggie moved away but would occasionally catch up with Ari and talk about life and plans. Nearly a decade later, as we rounded out our high school years, I still grumbled audibly anytime Ari mentioned Maggie.

I remember that Maggie was sensationally smart and though I pay no attention to the details of her life, I believed she went to some Harvard equivalent university and is now a brain doctor or something equally outstanding.

Probably, Maggie grew into a nice girl. No doubt she traded in her bullying days for many nights at home reading medical books. And medicine, you know. A caring profession. Maggie was probably just having a rough day way back in ’97 and took out her aggression on the one kid who she knew would take the abuse silently. Maggie is probably a noteworthy human being.

But I don’t like her.

I’m telling you this because I have a new roommate. No, it’s not Maggie. It’s a nice girl named Taylor. I'll let you meet her later. Let’s give her time to get settled. Taylor answered my Craigslist ad and we met at a Starbucks to question and judge each other. You know, girl stuff.

We liked each other right away and discussed a range of topics. As her landlord, I laid down my house rules and threw in bits about how I prefer to live. “I like it tidy.”, I told her, “ but I won’t hate you for leaving your dishes in the sink.”

We got to talking about our mutual distaste for catty girls and she said something along the lines of “But I am a girl. I’m going to get quiet when I don’t like something. “

This struck me. She went on to say that she likes to discuss problems so that grudges don’t form. This all made perfect sense to me though I’d never thought about it before. In the past I’ve whined about the fact that guys can get into arguments and still be friends after and girls often can’t. They’re only “friends” after. I’ve often wished I was a guy but in this case it would be so that I could get into a fight with a buddy, duke it out with our fists, and then go buy each other a beer or something. So simple.

Then I realized!! The only reason girls get quiet and grudgy is because we were trained to be ladies and ladies don't shout, disagree, express negative emotions, or wrestle other little girls into dirt piles. Little boys are expected to get mad and fight and then they get over it. Girls never get that closure. We're taught to let it fester. Which is precisely why I’m still mad at Maggie. If I could just punt her between her shoulder blades I’m pretty sure we could be great friends.