Big Thinkin'

I’ve been thinking about all the thinking I’ve been doing.

Just five months ago, as I settled into my new place and tried to summon a career path, I would sit down to write you a post about what was going on in life and this furious, confused rant would come out. I never knew how cross I was until I sat down and constructed Soap Opera caliber tirades to be preformed by a voluptuous and passionate Latina woman.

During the penning of the furious rage I would find some of my thoughts insightful, convinced I had a clearer look at the world than most kids. “I’m right about this.” I would think. “It’s all wrong. Ay dios mio! Todo estas mal!”

For your sake I knew better and would wait to post these angry rants. I’d go to sleep and wake up in the morning and read them again. I never once posted one. You’re welcome.

Coming back from my summer's venture was a real kick in the fanny. While I figured I’d come home by Fall, barring being discovered in a frozen yogurt shop, I absolutely did not want to come back to Charleston feeling lost and apathetic and like I'd never left. But that’s sure what happened. I was really nervous the first month I was home and I moved around cautiously, as if one small slip of any kind would be the end of everything. By October I was so anxious and troubled that I lost my appetite and shortly after, the snug fit of my favorite jeans.

I was thinking about all this and how five months have passed by and I still don’t have the answer to any of my angsty teenage questions. And I’m still not very hungry. The difference is that I’m too busy and tired to fuss about it. 

“Just get to work on time.” I tell myself as I debate an impromptu ukulele concert while rush hour traffic builds outside my front door. My most common thought is, 'Where do I need to be right now?' and I drive all over town from warehouse to lunch room to conference center to wedding venue and then suddenly, I remember the ocean and all the other colorful lives in this world and I think about the people tending rice fields in China and the little tots bundling up for another school day in a dark Finnish winter. I know I'm crazy but it all gives me a sense of missing something major. Or maybe missing out. Or missing the point. And all I can think about is how to get to it.
This is normal, right? 

Right?