Hiding from Folks

When I was in college I spent an inordinate amount of time hiding from people.
(With this post comes completely unrelated photographs of SCAD friends.) (Like this one...)

Oddly enough, I was constantly finding myself in compromising situations so I would simply tuck myself away and pretend it wasn’t true. I would also flee from folks I didn’t like or worse, those pesky “school ambassadors” who invite you to cringe worthy campus events and then hold you accountable. “Where were you?” they’d ask suspiciously, as if they couldn’t fathom my distaste for organized fun. My second year R.A. was particularly overzealous with invitations and would make up nonexistent events to get me to go out with him.

“Are y’all going to the BBQ thing?” I’d ask Jared and Parv.

“What BBQ thing?” Jared would ask.

“You know, they’re doing BBQ at the park along the riv...”

“That’s not a thing.” Parv would interrupt. “It’s just your creepy R.A.”

Parv loved my encounters with Creepy R.A. (that’s what she called him and not really behind his back either.) and was delighted to hear that he came to my rescue when my smoke alarm went off. One time I locked myself out of my room and had to get him to let me back in. I found it disconcerting that he had a master key to every room and occasionally I’d check the shower before bed. It cost $25 to be let back into your room (don’t get me started on SCAD SCAMs) and Creepy R.A. told me he wouldn’t make me pay if I gave him a hug.  

So I hugged that jackass and told this tale to Parv and Jared with proud vigor, pleased that I had beat SCAD’s system. They listened patiently with smirks on their faces. I finished my rant and snuggled back down into my favorite chair at the coffee shop where we spent every Tuesday and Thursday night. Parv and Jared looked at each other and smiled.

“You know, Laura…” Jared said delicately.

Parv cut him off. “The first time you lock yourself out it’s free.”

On two separate occasions I hid from my roommates in my bed. It wasn’t that I was trying to hide but rather I was burrowed so far down into my bed that they didn’t see me and I realized very quickly, on both occasions, that they thought they were alone. So I laid still, hesitant to scare them or expose that I now know their secrets. The second time this happened, I woke up in my cocoon to the sound of juicy gossip between my girly roommate and her best friend. I laid there for an hour and a half, sweating up under all those blankets. I blew my cover by sliding my leg three inches to the left and both girls gasped and stopped talking. I immediately shut my eyes and pretended to sleep while they peered up over my covers to stare at me. They whispered about not knowing I was in here and then they packed their things and left.

Of all the time I spent hiding at SCAD, the most uncomfortable one took place in a parking lot. It was nighttime and all the malnourished eaters were leaving the school café and heading back to their rooms to endure their nightly stomach brawl. I was coming back from buying sculpting supplies and I parked my car in a dark corner, away from the crowd. While I gathered my things and turned off my car, I called Mom to chat and complain about life. About five minutes had passed when I noticed two kids walking towards the car next to mine. I assumed they were going to get in it so I turned my attention the other direction and continued chatting for a good half hour. When I finally hung up and turned to hop out of my car, I realized the couple was still standing there, between my door and their passenger door and they were doing some big time makin' out.

I experienced instant discomfort and sat motionless with bugged eyes and a hideous grin. I couldn’t open my car door without whacking the pair. I started going over my options and working on something clever but understandable to tell them when they glare at me like the unintentional voyeur I had become. While I worked this out in my mind, the pair got closer and closer and within moments were leaning entirely on my car door. I was trapped. I struggled to not laugh but l also got super anxious. What do I do? I’d been sitting in a dark car for half an hour. I can’t suddenly jump out now. What if the girl opens her eyes and sees me looking back at her? So I did what any normal person would do.
I climbed into the back seat and laid down on the floor.

I remember texting Jared and telling him to come pretend to get into my car but he never responded. So I laid across that bump on the floor in the back seat for a good 25 minutes. And I felt extra creepy emerging from the backseat of my car in an abandoned parking lot.

"I hate this place." I muttered to myself, hauling a bag of plaster mix back up to my room.