Saturday, November 28, 2015

Athens, Georgia


Last weekend I went to visit Ari in Athens, Georgia. I’ve never been to Athens before nor have I, or Ari for that matter, been in a home that was entirely Ari’s. That gal has always lived in dorms or crowded apartments, always sharing a kitchen and bathroom with some gremlin undoubtedly less organized than Ari herself.

Sometime around high school Ari developed a morbid fascination of sorts. The girl likes road kill and carcasses. On our daily dog walks through the neighborhood she would observe flattened squirrels and the remaining feathers of fallen birds and other indiscernible creatures. One time we found a dead deer in the marsh and I nearly had to swat her curious hands away from the maggot filled corpse.
Despite these things I should tell you that’s she’s wonderfully girly and always has painted nails and red lips. She has the cutest little giggle, a button nose, and an extensive (and expensive) shoe collection. 
So naturally her home is adorned with bleached white animal skulls and glass frames filled with insect wings, dried flowers, and a wholly in-tact lizard she found dead, dried, and miraculously preserved in her parent’s garage. Also adorning her walls are posters from various New Orleans Jazz festivals and some moody black and white photography. Who could resist such a girl?
Her house was cozy and delightfully lived in but also felt like a history museum or an archeological showroom that housed succulents and cactus and an unexpected gardenia bush, furniture made of driftwood and warm earthy colors.

I met her and her classmates at a little bar downtown. They all talked causally about their classes and upcoming projects while Ari and I whispered to each other about memory lane. They are all studying Landscape Architecture and are currently in a class devoted entirely to learning the nicknames and Latin names of several hundred plants.
Ari told me that she had just learned the Latin name for our Meeting Tree. The Meeting Tree is in fact the tree exactly between our houses where Ari and I would meet when we wanted to play together. We would climb and swing from its branches while we discussed our plan for the day and then we would dash off and not think of the Tree again until tomorrow. We loved The Meeting Tree dearly and only stopped meeting there when her parents built a fence on her side of it when we were in high school. I wrote a sad poem about The Meeting Tree and we moved our planning sessions to the much less lyrical mailbox between our driveways.
“Ligustrum Japonicum.” she told me. “It’s an invasive though.”

We spent the weekend walking through the chilly weather, along train tracks and through town, stopping a few times for pastries and coffee. We talked the whole weekend and spent our last night together on her fold-out couch watching a Hugh Grant movie and eating chips, popcorn, and Reese’s cups.




During one night out with her classmates we walked briskly through downtown Athens, making our way to the part of town where the grad students hang out, several blocks away from the humongous mob of scantily clad undergraduates who were slurring and staggering and shivering. I’ve never seen so many kids in one place and I did not like it. We hid in a dark little bar with some truly horrendous, kindergarten style artwork on the walls. Ari and I were able to convince her classmates that this awful art was hers and we were delighted watching them stagger over insincere compliments and a panicked confusion. The best part was how sweet they were.
“It’s goo…it’s way better than I could do!” one said.
“I didn’t know you do art.” another mentioned. I overheard them whispering about all chipping in to buy it to make Ari happy.
Rather than complimenting her work they avoided it all together and asked about the process of having your art submitted to venues and also what inspired her. Ari held a straight face as she answered questions and I stood by ready to blurt out all the crap I learned in art school in case she paused for too long.
“I think it’s a representation of social status.” I said of the piece. It was three clear plastic balls with green pipe-cleaners inside, all handing from a piece of wood. 
“Interesting.” they replied. We waited a whole day before we told them the truth and they were blatantly relived though they never once admitted that it was terrible, terrible art.

On our walk back from the Art Bar they pointed out plants they knew and would all crowd around bushes and pluck leaves from ones they weren’t sure of. Drunk undergraduates would hover around them to see what they were so focused on. It confused all of them and the doubt on their faces seemed pained as though they suddenly questioned how many drinks they’d consumed in the last hour.
“Those are leaves.” one boy told us urgently.

The next day I had the most college experience ever and I tailgated for a football game. I did not understand the big deal at first because it seems to me that there are football games on constantly. I was ticked to walk past every house to find people wearing Georgia colors, standing in their front yards drinking and playing corn-hole at ten in the morning. I thought tailgating was performed exclusively in parking lots outside of football stadiums. It wasn’t until 3:00 that day that I suddenly realized that tailgating is the term for preemptive celebrating and that people want to spend their whole day doing that and nothing else. 
“So it’s really just a party? And then you watch a football game?” I asked Ari and even she was stunned by my ignorance.

Ari’s friends were amused by my oblivion to college life. I managed to attend two colleges without football teams, I knew not a single drinking game, and I openly discussed my aversion to further education. In addition to these things I was the only person wearing a fur lined coat and shivering while we stood in the yard and threw bean bags at plywood.
“Are you cold?” they asked me as though it’s unfathomable that a poorly insulated girl from the beach might be cold in the foothills of the north Georgia mountains.
“What’s it to ya, sparky?” I snapped at a fella from Colorado who was wearing shorts and a T-shirt.

Then to my horror, as everyone left the porch littered with beer cans and uneaten pizza to attended the game, some guy says, “I’ve got an extra ticket or two. Do y’all want to go?” and due to peer pressure I told Ari I didn’t care and due to peer pressure she thought we should go take a look. So somehow we wound up at the Georgia game and I was so encumbered by sounds and lights that I don’t think I watched a single play nor did I notice what team they were playing. 




We stayed about forty-five minutes and then Ari looked at me and I looked at her and we knew we felt the same. We walked back to her house, stealing a pizza from our tailgating hosts porch, and settling in for some quality time with Hugh Grant. 

My last point of note is how gorgeous the drive to Athens is once you hop off the Interstate. The last hour of that drive is through a windy back road lined with red and yellow trees and farms and green plains. And what a gift that Ari was waiting for me at the end of it.


Monday, November 16, 2015

Playing Catch-Up


Life's been so full of things lately. Lovely things in fact but I've been so busy I haven't stopped to think about them all. Most important for Ellen is that I inform you that she has redeemed herself from this cake... baking the same one again, this time with much success.


While we're on the subject of Ellen and cake I'll tell you that we celebrated Ellen's birthday a week or so late. We we're all busy and unable to dedicate our day to Princess Black Cloud. So Mom and Dad surprised her one night in October with a belated birthday cake and rather than being delighted, she immediately noticed a large smudge on the back side of the cake and was outraged about her "crap cake." 
"Shut up and be happy." we told her. That's how the Unions do birthdays.





Laura Fun Fact #64:
I take pictures of the Big Bridge while I'm driving over it. I'm somehow enchanted by it and can't stop watching the cables whiz by in my moon roof.


Laura Fun Fact #65:
I spent an entire workday making tissue paper pom-poms to hang from a tree for someones wedding. Pom-poms.
Eight hours.



A few weekends back my one true love came to visit and the same weekend, the old band got back together for a special show here in Charleston. I got to see a lot of old pals but Ari was the best part. We spent the whole weekend just talking and laughing. We went to our favorite breakfast spot out on Folly and then walked in the chilly sand for several hours only bringing our conversation to a stop when we realized it was almost 4:00 pm. I'm just so thankful for her. My life would be colorless without her.


In dog news, we try to coordinate play-dates for Buddy and Grace every week but sometimes it just doesn't work out. Buddy seems more restless in general now that Grace has come into his life. I suppose she brings him excitement and companionship and now that he knows the highs of life he gets especially down for the lows, the boring and lonely days. Buddy's eyes fill with hope when I come through his front door and while he greets me with jubilance he consistently glances behind me, out the door or through the window, wondering if I have anyone else in tow. When I do have an caramel-colored entourage (that includes Brett) Buddy knows we're headed out into the world and his excitement overwhelms him and he forgets all of his manners and all of the rules. He once jumped out of my moving vehicle when he saw Grace and Brett in a parking lot. The anticipation that builds as we ride to the Dog Park nearly kills him. Buddy drags me from the car to the park's gate and he barks and grunts and talks, frightening other dogs and humans while I remove his leash and let him go. He barrels into the crowd of wagging tails and he gathers together a group of pups and the pack runs large circles around the perimeter of the dog park and they splash into the water and swim and chase ropes and balls and tiny dogs and when Buddy finally comes home he falls right to sleep.



As for the folks, they both have been under the weather for their annual Sore Throat and Congestion Festival that they pass back and forth to each other for about two weeks. Dad will be rounding up his Lynchburg ventures in the next month and even he is excited to stay put for a while. Constant travel can bring even the most energetic optimist to drag his feet through the terminal. 
Moppy continues to delight me with her general outrage for the modern world and witty remarks about humans. She has been busy with her volunteer work and that wageless piano gig she never signed up for. Perhaps a month or so ago, she brought a new cat into our family. His name is Bobo and though I intended to introduce you to him ages ago with his own special blog post, he hasn't yet been brave enough to venture downstairs to join the family. 
All in due time I'm sure but I keep forgetting he exists.

Monday, November 9, 2015

A Real Eye Opener

With this post you get photos of flowers because I have no shortage of them in my phone and they are pretty things you should be happy you can see. 

Two weeks ago, as I flew down Hwy 526 at 65 mph, I went blind in my right eye. Shortly before, I had seen this strange, crystal clear circle floating in the air over on the right side. I figured it was like any of those floating light bits you can see when you close your eyes or stare a blank wall. I figured it would go away quickly so I paid it no attention but as I drove, everything within the circle became blurry and then the circle expanded so that I could only see light and smeared colors over on the right side.
As one would, I began to panic. I tried to calm myself down, telling me that my sight would come back in just a second and as I moved into the right lane in preparation to slam on my breaks, barrel off the road into the ditch and call 911, I saw the crystal clear circle appear in my left eye, the eye I was relying on to keep me out of a car accident. When I saw the circle in my left eye I knew I had about ten minutes. I knew I would be totally blind. I immediately felt sick but I had no time to hurl because I needed to stop my car and call for help. 


I took the first exit I saw and drove until I saw buildings and signs of life. I wanted to turn right, stop my car, and call Dad but my eyes couldn't see Right very well and could only make out grassy patches vs non-grassy patches. I could see green blurs and cement colored blurs so I pulled up into the first cement blur, immediately noticed I was driving past a barbed wire fence and as I stopped my car, I realized I had conveniently parked at our local county prison. 
“No no. No!” I said to myself, “Not here!” and I put my car back in drive and tried to get out of the parking lot. My blurry vision mixed with my heart beating in my ears caused me much confusion and I turned my car all manner of directions, finding no way out and unable to tell whether the signs said “One Way”, “No Exit” or “Do Not Enter”. Cops were staring at me from the front doors and I knew my maniacal driving must look suspicious.


I broke out of the prison lot and went up one block to Bi-Lo, parked my car, and picked up my phone. I didn’t know whether to find where I was on a map before I called for help. I didn’t know where I was and in my panic, I figured Dad wouldn’t have any idea there was a Bi-Lo near the county detention center. My hands shook as I dialed Dad’s number. While I waited for Dad to pick up, I held my hand less than a foot from my face and I couldn’t see it. It was just gone.
“Hey Lulu! What’s going on?”
“Dad! I seem to have gone blind in one eye and the other can only see light blobs!” and I told him the whole story. Dad asked me where I was, confirmed that he knew there was a Bi-Lo by the Jailhouse and told me to calm the crap down. He told me go into the Bi-Lo bathroom and splash some water in my eyes, drink some water and take some deep breaths. “Call me when you’re done.”


I hopped out of my car knowing I looked faint and confused. I bugged my eyes in and out of my head and blinked incessantly in order to walk through the parking lot without tripping or walking into other cars. Now, if the presence of the prison didn’t give it away, I’ll tell you that I’m not in a great part of town right here. Here in the parking lot were several broken down cars, people pushing shopping carts that contained all of their belongings and to my horror, almost everyone I saw had donned socks with their sandals that morning.

I entered the Bi-Lo like a drug addict looking for a fix. Sweating and cold, with what I could even feel was a ghost white face, I asked a cashier where the bathroom was.
“Down aisle Ten, through the double doors, to the right.” she told me and I tried to thank her sincerely as though I was present with her and not wondering if I’d ever get to do a painting again. I shuffled down aisle Ten behind a really fat woman with long grey hair. She pushed through the double doors and hung a right. Seemed to me she was going to the bathroom so I followed her. I slipped through the double doors before they closed behind her and caught the bathroom door and gave it a push. The woman walked into a stall and as she closed the stall door, she turned towards me and my one good eye caught hers and that giant woman had a sizeable salt-and-pepper beard.

Oh crap! I thought. I’m in the Men’s room. How would I have known? I couldn’t see. That human had long hair. 
I walked towards the door and then stopped. I don’t care! I’m panicking! So I walked towards the sink and then I stopped again. All the toilet seats are up. What does that man think? 
I staggered out of the bathroom, deciding to go to the Woman’s room so I’d be more comfortable. Turns out that was the Woman’s room so I went back in there with The Creature hoping to get a good blurry look at it to see what it was but really I had no time to waste.
While I listened to It use the bathroom and I washed my hands, the blurs became sharp, light fell back into place, and I could see again. I felt only the faintest notion of relief because now I had the sharpest headache I’ve ever experienced and a pressure behind my left eye.


After a couple more calls to Dad, one major 'it’s all over. no need to fear' panic attack and then my mouth going numb in terror, I ditched work and went to my eye doctor who told me very casually that it’s an uncommon but not rare form of a migraine headache that causes temporary blindness. “Nothing major.” he said shrugging and scribbling on my chart. “No one really knows why people get them but you won’t be blind for much more than half an hour. Just take a break and relax when it happens. OK? So are you all set?”
“That’s it?” I asked him.
“Yep” he said and then I went home.

If you're interested they're called Opthalmic headaches and apparently they can make you puke which scares me more than being temporarily blind because I really don't want to break my Vomit-free streak. 
Mostly I'm disappointed with myself. While I do live in a kind of constant mini-panic, I can usually control my reactions and feelings and I just lost it on this one. I can always calm myself down and maintain composure until something is over but I just couldn't. This scared that crap out of me! But no, I never did cry. So there.

Anyways, it made me think about how great all of our five senses are and how great it is that I have hands and legs that work and that I'm healthy and capable. We shouldn't take these things for granted. 


Tuesday, November 3, 2015

I Take That Back

Something came over me just moments before I was due to meet with my friends for Halloween. I don’t know what happened or why or how but I got so darn excited about dressing up for Halloween that I drove ten miles to a costume store and fought through the last minute mob of costume shoppers to see what was left for sale. The possibilities were endless! Why had this never seemed fun to me before? There was so much potential!
I spent all that time ranting and raving about intentionally avoiding Halloween but I had never thought about the fact that I’ve been standing by my thoughts on Halloween based entirely off of my notions of it as an awkward child. Now, as an awkward adult I’ve never even given Halloween a chance! 

Imagine my delight to open my front door and find these two...


Brett and Hayden waited patiently while I threw together my costume and then we danced off to find Ellen and Chris and a few other friends.






I was beyond ticked by Cole's (the fella up there in red) date's llama costume. She went to an awful lot of trouble to create a paper-mache llama head but for a reason that was never explained to me, she made it about three feet tall. Her llama head loitered up in the ceiling with air ducts and light fixtures. She had to take the head off to go through doorways and the llama head caused a stir everywhere we went. She had to stop every few feet to answer questions and be praised for her "giraffe head." 
"I'm a llama." she would say. 
It amused me greatly and then she hopped on her bike and I lost all control.



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