But I never did this, mostly out of laziness (months 'til that deadline) but also because I hadn't made it a full year yet and maybe we'd get into a horrendous fight that would alter my wholesome view of Big Guy Eisenhauer. Admittedly, our hurricane spat, which did come after I elected not to write the blog post in case of any impending marital woes, is the one and only time this year that I was mad at Brett with any conviction. We've mostly spent the last year making each other laugh, be it by wit or outrage.
The ole trope of marriage on tv is a mutual eye-roll from either party and then episodes worth of resentment, annoyance, and unfulfillment - for comedic effect of course. And while I love Big Guy Eisenhauer and married him full of faith that we are much more kind and patient than the angry married couples on tv, I am quite aware that most folks go into marriage thinking they are above the place where marriages settle into their dusty routines. So I waited. Anytime in the last twelve months when I felt annoyed by one of Brett habits or he seemed bored with the weekday routine, I assumed "that was it". The honeymoon period had ended. Brett's bored. I'm annoying. We're married people now. The boring, eye-roll kind. One time, as we discussed something serious and I danced around nervously, Brett asked me why I was dancing around and I told him I was waiting for our marriage to go bad and he told me that was an unproductive thing to do.
"But that's what we've been told!" I retorted, full of bubbling love.
In an effort to ward off the negative long term effects of marriage, I'm having to imagine that the good times will last forever and only be punctuated by fits of rage and intolerance. I am certain that Brett's sheen will wear off someday and I don't expect he'll be enamored with my theories and observations forever (I may have already lost him there). I think somedays he'll be precisely what I don't need in that moment - someone talking sense and morals when I'd much prefer to wallow and consider violence. Or his crappin' endless capacity for improvement.
I think, and I've only been married a year, that kindness is the key to a marriage that thrives. But I also don't really know what a thriving marriage is supposed to entail so that ends my thoughts on life lessons about marriage. What I do know or rather, what I've learned from a year living with my best friend, is that helping him through a day gives me a bit of purpose and motivation to be an aid or a soothing balm or whatever it is that helps him be the optimistic, giggling giant that keeps me going when I'd much rather wallow and consider violence. See that vicious cycle of loving gentleness?
We're a team of kind people with good intentions. That's all I've got so far but I feel particularly sure and great about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment