One More

This coming Tuesday is my last day of school. I have to read a story to my class and then I can leave.  This is all oddly anti-climactic. Isn't something extraordinary supposed to come falling from the sky and land at my feet? Shouldn't people be enthralled with my ability to make it through college? Should I not be on the cover of People Magazine?

I didn't think so. I remain apathetic about this ending, as though I've finally made it to the counter after a lengthy line at the DMV or perhaps boarding a perpetually delayed flight to Orangeburg. Perhaps I'm too preoccupied with my jobs and trip planning to notice any extraordinary details. You know what I've been thinking about?

Bougainvillea

Greece is covered in Bougainvillea. It's the only color around besides their bright blue doors. It grows best in hot places and it's one of my favorite plants. I've read that there are a bunch of different varieties and in Brazil it grows an almost neon purple color.

...and look how nice the green ivy leaves look next to pale red brick.

Should I be more concerned? I feel like I need to write something at least mildy profound about my college experience and what I've learned and blah blah. To be honest, I've felt very detached from the whole process since day 1. 

I was flat out angry when Mom and Dad dumped me out in front of my dorm in Savannah. "Can't believe they left me here." I muttered to myself, slinging my one bag over my shoulder and hiking it up the stairs to my room, passing people I considered to be children that were excited about this new "adventure". Mentally I was a thousand miles away, climbing mountains in New Zealand, kayaking off an island in South America, or living with foreign friends in Italy -picking olives and learning Italian. Yes, I can laugh at this but nevertheless, it was true. I spent my time in class figuring out the fastest way to get my work done so that I could go to sleep, making the next day come faster. This would bring me one day closer to the weekend whereupon I would drive home and seek refuge from the college experience on my rickety, wooden dock. 

I dreaded going back a second year. I still didn't care about memorizing fun facts. Perhaps if I had a goal or a job I wanted I would have enjoyed learning about it and working towards a specific future. But you know, the future's gonna show up whether I'm working for it or not. My bills will only increase, my ability to eat recklessly will fade, life will age my face, and I'll learn what I need as I go. College doesn't change that.

I've caused such a stink about this whole college thing that I'll be really embarrassed if it pays off. I need it to all have been for nothing or else I'm going to look foolish. I'm not doctor material. I'm not a scientist or a lawyer or even a business person. I'm laura. I like plants and sunshine. I'd rather cook for you than try to figure supply and demand for the newest ringing technological irritant. I'd rather we go sit outside for a while. 

So Congratulations Laura! You can frame the most expensive piece of paper you can never doodle on. You can hang it in your house for all to see. You can put "BFA" next to your name and scoff knowingly at people's tales of dorm food, roommates, and know-it-all professors. 

I know I sound like a jerky kid. I'm sorry. And who knows what will happen. Maybe one day the lightbulb will go off and it will all make sense to me. But for now...I think I'll go for a walk...