Everyone Hates Feelings...So Here. Read Mine.

Initially I had written here my thoughts on this past year. If you recall, I once stated that I never reflect upon my years past or personal growth of any kind. I'm a simple man see. But this last year was such a big festering downer that I simply couldn't ignore it. I had feelings this year and I didn't like it one bit. No wonder girls are always whining. So I thought I'd bring down your day a bit and tell you all about it but luckily for you I can't quite articulate feelings. While I can acknowledge their presence, I'm really not sure what they're trying to tell me, like the basket weavers down at the market or the gal at Taco Bell's drive-thru window.

What I do know is that I feel guilt over how well I know happiness. Those are feelings. I realized that
I rarely feel anger or real shame. I am not plagued by regrets, pained by the judgments of others, or preoccupied with my own bad memories. I happily forget most things by accident.

BUT last year was scary and frustrating. I am easily frustrated by things that don't contribute to my happiness and fear is the Beevis to my Butthead. Worse than those though, is that wistfully sad feeling you get from nostalgia or when something beautiful passes you by. These three things taunted me all year long. I felt sick, cancelled plans, bowed out, passed out, missed out, watched my friends move out, left my beautiful farm, and had several disheartening realizations. I said a lot of goodbyes last year and I acquired a sense of nausea that has yet to hit the road. Last year STANK.
I'd never thought me a weak person and while I think I know better, or perhaps I prefer denial, last year really hit me. Have I shown you my new patch of greys?

And after all that, I'm not sure I really learned anything, except that even when you feel like your body is definitely trying to die, you still won't. It's exhausting. I realized that I'm more of a bumbling idiot than I ever thought I was because who could have a year like that and come out exactly the same?

I'm a real jerky doofus.

In honor of that, here I have clips of the folks that did too good a job keeping me just the way I've always been. You'd think they help push me towards change or self-reflection but instead, we all just giggled. And danced. And probably this little video will bore you to tears but I have the biggest, jerky doofus smile on my face when I look back at all these precious people. Some of them you don't know but I was their (temporarily) fragile friend and they went to such trouble to care for me... and keep me in the shade.