I Can't Make A Decision

I've always been an indecisive person. Options and choices are detrimental to my peace of mind. They're like little gnats flying around my head and I can't run them off or swat them away. Action Dad has always been troubled by this quality of mine, completely oblivious to how I could just not know. "Just pick a crappin' restaurant."

The time it took me to choose dinner venues would rattle him to his core. "Pick one or were staying home!", he'd blurt out in a frenzy, while I battled inner turmoil at the thought of having to choose the dinner fate of three other people.

Normally my indecision comes from a place of oblivious contentment rather than a true opinion of any kind. I'm happy with anything. Pizza or burgers, action or comedy, atomic or locker-room wedgie. It all suits me just fine. I can't choose because nothing in my mind flags one option as a "preference". I wish it did. I wish I was more analytical. Which by the way, it occurred to me (about a year ago) that there is no, non-derogatory antonym to "analytical". This suggests that people who are in fact content not to analyze things are superficial, illogical, irrational, disorganized, or chaotic. Having analyzed and researched this idea thoroughly, I see nothing wrong with passing up on scrutiny, reviews, or evaluations. It's a "just be" thing I think. People can't just be. If you do you are lazy and irrational. But suppose you're just content?

Dad then began narrowing my choices down to two or three, assuming it would be helpful to lessen my options in order to make a decision. In turn this caused me more stress as I still had no preference and now was forced to find a restaurant that suited everybody's desires and I only had two choices. Eventually, I'd get frustrated and pick one and someone, every time, goes "Noooo! I just ate there." and then I'd feel guilty. This is precisely why I let the opinionated, analyzers in my life make all the decisions. 

Now, I do have a firm grasp on things I don't want or like. No school, no jobs, and no unnecessary responsibilities. This includes large payments of any kind, timely responses, and remembering the significant calendar days of other people. Also, not a huge fan spicy food. 

 Lately, I've been trying not only to decide what to do with my life but also what to do with my summer. I have say, three or four requirements and the kicker is that none of them can be all in the same place. So I have to pick. Can't decide which ones are more important. I've never had this much trouble deciding on the fun things in my life. Usually it's a lighthearted, somewhat spontaneous "Well alright!" and I just go. 

But I'm struggling this time and I think it's because I've been thinking about all of this for so long with no leads that I just don't care anymore. 

I just don't care.

But I sure do miss my dock time.