Look Who I Found

Life with Omar is an interesting thing. By no choice of my own I have become Omar’s personal assistant and chauffer. While his car is theoretically en route to Portland, only mine is here, available for work. I drive him to and from work, hospitals, the airport, and business meetings. I keep notes and a calendar for him and I spent approximately 6 hours assembling his new Ikea furniture.

He arrived at 3pm and I cheerfully picked up his familiar face from the airport. Within moments, he got a call telling him he needed to fly to Spokane at 10:00 that night. So we had a quick dinner and I took him back to the airport. He retuned at 5pm the next day. We partook in another dinner and I dumped him out at his hotel. I was then forced to pick him up bright and early the next day where I spent the entirely of the morning and most of the afternoon driving him all over Portland looking at apartments. He picked one and we were up at 8am the next day signing a lease and getting his keys. While he conducts business, I sit out of the way but within earshot in case he has questions about his calendar. Sometimes I stay in my car, pulling my hat down over my face and reclining into my seat like a taxi driver on break. There was one day that I had to get up at 7 and pick him up to drive him to the hospital two towns over. I should tell you that he works in the hospitals. He’s not ill. I’m learning the whereabouts of all five Portland hospitals and a few in neighboring towns. He hops out of my car in black scrubs and tennis shoes and saunters into surgeries as though he’s a doctor. He’s not.

On move-in day we went to Ikea and I instructed him in the ways of proper home décor. He disregarded my insights about table lamps and house plants and instead chose only home necessities, oblivious to the wonders of wall décor and matching towels. We came back to his tiny new space and built his bed and chest of drawers. While he took business calls, I threw my weight against his furniture, hammering in wooden backings and finding the perfect nook for each new piece. We bought a sofa from Craigslist that we drove through town hanging out the back of my car. He drove while I clawed into the armrest, determined to hold it in place with my wee arms.

When he left for another business trip, this time with a rental car, I broke in with his spare key and decorated the place. I bought lamps and bathmats. I hung his things on the wall and even made a music corner with his instruments. He’s not back yet. I hope he’s not mad.

Despite my new position, I’m happy to have some company and Omar pays me for my time with meals. It’s a good gig really. Portland is full of delicious food.

As for me I’m staying in the guest room of a married couple I found on AirBnB. For privacy purposes I’ll tell you that their names are David and Nina. I’ve been living in their spare room since Mattie left but here’s the weird thing, I’ve never seen Nina. It’s just me and David and while he is very nice, we mostly avoid each other and keep to ourselves. I went back and read reviews the other day and noticed that everyone who has stayed here before me, also never saw Nina. “David was great. Sorry we missed Nina.” "Had a great stay at David's but Nina was out of town.” “David was a great host!” “Thanks so much David” blah blah. I voiced my concerns to Omar. There are no pictures of the two of them in the house. “Where’s Nina!!” I shouted.

Now I’m not actually concerned. The house was clearly decorated by a woman and theres even a sign in my room, in woman’s handwriting, welcoming the guests and giving you her phone number for emergencies.

“Maybe they got divorced and he just can’t accept it.” I suggested to Omar.

“Maybe David IS Nina.” Omar said. “Think about it. You only see him in the day. Maybe he’s David by day and Nina by night!”

Since this revelation I’ve been handling David as though this is the case, searching for his make-up kit and stockings while he’s out.

Nothing so far. I’ll keep you posted.

(I hope no one really worries about this. I'm just teasing. I don't really believe I'm living with a drag queen. Nina's visiting family and going to a wedding back home in Arizona... David said so.)