Los Angeles

Mattie and I forgot to take pictures in L.A. We stayed in a house with three Australians and spent all of our time entirely distracted. One of them, is the ex-roommate to Mattie's cousin who now lives in Chicago and works for Oprah. Mattie and I fell madly in love with these people and I forgot all about LA and just wanted to sit on the couch and listen to them talk. They were wonderful hosts who made us feel right at home and gave us free reign of everything. We were staying in Silver Lake which is eastern West Hollywood. I'll say it was pleasantly covered in lots of exotic flowers and plants but the folks living in L.A. are aggressive and not genuine. Our safe driving caused us many honks and approximately one middle finger. I also received a $73 parking ticket not for parking poorly, illegally, or for too long. Indeed, you are charged a hefty $73 for being in the way of the street sweeper. Could ya not just go around?

It's super expensive to eat and live in L.A. and while there are nice areas, it's mostly a big, dirty city full of people who's lives make me sad. I wanted to capture everyone and take them to see nature and have a big family dinner. Surely that would make them realize.

But forget all that. Here in L.A. a true dream of mine came true. A bucket list item was crossed. Let me tell you about Craig Ferguson. 

Craig Ferguson is a 52 year old, Scottish born, newly American citizen. He hosts the Late Late Show on CBS and is entirely, and I mean entirely, underrated. He is a natural born comedian, people reader, and spirit warmer. He's charming, cheeky, and actually quite an inspiring person. It all started on a muggy July night in 2008. I couldn't sleep and found myself on the sofa, flipping channels. It was then that I found him. There Craig stood, a handsome, gangly fella, laughing at his own jokes and disregarding his cue cards. I fell in love. Now don't undermine my love. This was no teenage romance. For six and a half years I have been fascinated by Craig and wholly devoted to him being my "if only things were different" man.

Here in L.A. Mattie and I went to a taping of Craig's show. Two tapings actually, and we were given the distinct honor of being placed in Lesbian Row. Now don't panic. Lesbian Row is a pew of seats in the front of his studio where he places only good-looking females. He does this so that when the cameras pan the audience, folks will be distracted by the women and assume that the entire audience is especially attractive. Mattie and I had to sign contracts allowing us to be shown on TV.

I'll tell you all about it. First, you wait outside in the blazing sun for one hour. Then you're brought to a shaded area to be briefed on appropriate audience behavior. After another hour, you're brought into Craig's freezing cold studio and they sort you based on your appearance. Isn't that terrible? There is a warm up comedian who gives you candy and you practice laughing and clapping. Finally Craig emerges and tears well in your eyes. 

The different segments of the show are filmed sporadically and not sequentially as they appear on TV. Craig does not interact with the audience individually but addressed us in-between shots and kept everyone laughing. We had the good fortune of sitting for two episodes as the crew is off for vacation and so filmed an episode ahead. Craig created inside jokes with the audience that he would reference on air, putting us all in stitches but making no sense to at-home viewers. In-between takes, while the crew moved cameras and chords, Craig just danced. I was pleased to watch Craig interact with the crew, who appear to still find him funny after all these years. Watching them shoot the show is a fun thing for regular people but you can see how it is very much just a job for the crew and for Craig. They were very organized and efficient, doing the scene and moving on. While Craig was very endearing with the crowd, he said thank you and goodbye as soon as he was finished and he disappeared behind his set. 

While it was everything I thought it would be, I felt kind of let down when it was over. It just ended and we walked back out into the world. That was it. That was my moment with Craig. 

I spent the rest of my afternoon in a relatively silent funk, wondering if having your dreams come true would actually make you feel empty in the end. The silly dreams anyways.

Oh but it doesn't matter. I can count on Craig to make me laugh and make me think. I'll always love the fella. But I sure would love to tell Craig that I'm proud of him.
Watch this man giggle and see if you don't fall for the guy.