Venice

Oh I really like this place. I took 200 photos and I painstakingly paired it down to 20 so as not to bore you. I'm sure you'll get it after the first 3 but I care not!!

You always hear about Venice as one of those places. But lets face it, so is Paris and London and Rome blah blah but this really is one of those places. It's just so different.

I didn't take many notes on Venice. I figure I was tired by now and as it was our last stop I would remember it freshest of all. I've forgotten the details by now. I can't recall any particularly entertaining moments or grotesque observations. We took a perfect little cruise down the main drag, got out in a big crowed tourist square and then wandered through town on the way back to the ship, stopping for Bellini's and leather bag shopping.

Though I hate to agree with the masses, I can see what the big deal is here and I found it to be a grand finale to our trip. We arrived here in the afternoon and were docked overnight. We came back to the ship for dinner, packing, and sleeping. We said our goodbyes and all parted ways; some of us flying farther than others, some flying first class, some flying early, and me flying late. I spent the afternoon in the airport and witnessed a toddler and it's arrogant tween-age sister trip over a plastic bottle, fall flat on their faces while still moving forward, and slowly wash up in front of my feet. The cackle burned in my stomach. The toddler was doing that silent shrill scream while the tween got up slowly and inspected her bloody knee. The whole thing attracted so much attention and since it happened right in front of me I suppose people expected me to do something about it. I didn't move. I was afraid that bending to pick up the baby would detonate the blast that was just waiting to escape. 

Eventually the mom came over and scooped up the toddler, an older sister doubled over and pointing at Tween. I began shaking violently. Eventually it became too much for me. The cackle blast broke into a million little pieces, each escaping my breath in hiccupy gasps for control. Had I been sitting with someone perhaps it would have been perfectly fine to let out one solid and satisfying guffaw but when one is sitting alone it is not appropriate to make an audible noise of any kind. I hiccup laughed discreetly until the scene was cleared up and people stopped looking in my direction. This was true physical pain. I suddenly held my phone to my ear and said "I know!" before bursting into a fit of laughter. It was all I could do. I had to get that laugh out!! 

To this day I cry when I think about this. The image of those two shocked faces washing up at my feet, confused and humiliated, just kills me. In fact, I'm still drying the giggle tears from writing that last paragraph. Anyways, so there you have it.

Home again.

Dubrovnik

An ode to Dubrovnik.
This was the most anticipated stop on our adventure. This was Oceana's biggest downfall.
Only Jared and Colleen made it into Dubrovnik that day, the wretched cruise line hiring only one bus to take 600 people into a town smaller than Charleston. It was like choosing who would get on the Titanic's lifeboats. Despite our efforts to push and shove and fight our way into the funnel mob of angry tourists trying to get on the bus, to clasp on to the side of the life boat, we did not make it. And so I have no reports on such a dismal day.

The mood overall was anger mixed with disappointment. We all sat by the pool, fuming about the carelessness of Oceana to all passengers who opted out of the expensive excursions into town. From what I hear it was a very pretty place though very crowed. I noted here that we were all fairly blah today and Ellen was in a very bad mood. Mom and I went trinket shopping at the port. I bought a ring. Mom bought nothing. We did our pool, nap, and tea time thing again and saw a really bad "Broadway" reenactment by the ships four surly singers.

Here is my sole photo of Croatia. A long awaited destination.

Corfu

We took two taxis into town once we found out that the shuttle bus only came once an hour. Dad's taxi visited the pharmacy to buy me some antibiotics while Dave's taxi dumped us outside of the pedestrian shopping area. Wanting no part in the trinket shopping, Jared and I decided to ditch another day of educational wandering and go to the beach. We wandered through the colorful little town; Jared drawing comparisons to architecture of his tropical homeland, me, disproportionately excited to be somewhere Greek again.

Jared and I wound up at a cement beach. Actually, it wasn't a beach but it was in fact where people go to swim. It was a marina and you ooze down through slimy green rocks to get into the frigid Mediterranean water. We stayed here for a little while before grabbing lunch under a big white umbrella back in town. My souvlaki plate tasted better than I remembered and so I deemed myself a Greek food ordering pro. 

We wandered a little more before coming upon this second cement beach that we decided was much more hip and happening than the other. We sat under a tree here for two hours, people watching and making up the inner dialogue of each person. 

Jared and I had one job to accomplish today; get back to the boat by 4:00. To be on the safe side, we decided to take the 3:00 bus back as taking the 4:00 bus seemed too risky. Around two we started wandering back to bus stop, lazily dragging our feet down the stone streets, stopping to smell flowers and do various dance moves. We made it to the busy bus area and sat on a bench listening to the soothing laid-back tunes of Jack Johnson and his perpetually calm voice, perfectly harmonized with his ukelele and crashing background waves. We finally decided to hop on a bus, having had enough tunes for one lazy afternoon. We noticed there were only 2 other people there and that it was almost 16:00. "Their clock's wrong, Jared", I said with confidence, having mastered the art of telling time. "Should we tell them?" he asked. My phone said 2:55. Then suddenly I realized I never turned my phone off of airplane mode. It was still on Rome time. It was almost 4 o'clock!! Jared and I became very panicked. "We're not gonna make it!!" we shouted. We mentally tore us through traffic, down the windy streets, over curbs, and around corners on two wheels. In reality we were inching along behind tourists that had walked diagonally into the road while staring up at the tops of the buildings.

It was a really close call and Jared scolded me for my inaccurate phone clock. Equally unfortunate, as we were just about the last ones back, the head of security was standing there checking things over for closing up the ship. Jared and I sauntered up, shoulder to shoulder, with the same over-enthusiastic smile on our nervous faces. He simply pressed his lips together and watched us scurry past, our plastered expressions never flinching.

T'was the usual evening again and we tried a different onboard restaurant. T'was a steakhouse and t'was delicious. This is when I announced that Jared is afraid of big lettuce. He caused quite a scene over those romaine leaves. After an impromptu photoshoot (which also cause quite the scene) we headed up to Horizons for another night of bad music and darkness. Being the last two standing, Jared and I went over to the smoking section to talk to a guy that we decided looked like Val Kilmer, a younger version. Who can resist vintage Val? His name was Robert and he was from Brussels. We liked Robert. He was a good sport.

Sicily

"Big time sick", I wrote. "Major throat and neck pain."

I regrettably didn't get off the ship in Sicily. As you can see I was not feeling well and I remember feeling feverish in all the heat. Jared went to the beach by himself while Ellen spent the entire day talking to her boyfriend.

It seems that I described our docking port as a "picturesque shanty town." I selfishly have no idea what anyone else did here. I did note that as a whole American toilets are much lower to the ground than the European thrones. It seems like ages before I make contact now that I'm home. Anyways, I ran into Panos who had to be off the ship by 4:00. We sat in the pool smokers area talking about life and my skittish disposition. He told me it was a defense mechanism and I became very embarrassed. Piano man's reading my soul!! Jared made it safely back to the ship and our day continued in the usual fashion.

I did take a couple pictures from my bobbing onboard perch however I'm sure it does no justice to the place. And they all look the same...

so I got...creative

The following day was a day at sea where I regret to inform you that nothing of consequence happened. Ellen laid in bed for the entirety of the day watching movies and texting Chris. She emerged twice for her daily feedings and then headed back into her texting cave. Jared and I entertained each other with acrobatics and various sound effects and a few rounds of Name That Tune. We did go have tea however no one joined us thus we took up a table for six and received a few glares from smaller tables with numerous fat folk crowed around, rolls touching rolls. The Sea Hag's waitress friend was working and she would give me the stink eye and then shake her head at me while she stalked off!! You see why I don't bother befriending girls!

Dad skipped dinner in a effort to finish a movie that he had become enthralled with. The rest of us had a relatively sedate dinner until Dave created a carnival character of "The Incredible Talking Mute" and became so tickled with his creation that it brought tears to his eyes.

Amalfi

Walk of shame morning.
I woke up quite embarrassed from the last nights events and Jared I were quite queazy about having to show our delinquent faces in the dining room for breakfast. By now we were sure word had spread to any who didn't witness the misadventure and for the first time in years I was truly humiliated. But all you can do is charge on into that dining room with a dopey smile on your face and a couple of shrugs on hand and embrace those consequences. After all, it was kind of funny.
The reaction from the crew however, was not so high school as expected, it was instead, a reaction of humored approval. What had previously been courteous smiles and vacant "Good Morning"s, turned into knowing grins accompanied by excessive eyebrow raises, winking, thumbs up and head nods of approval. Though it was embarrassing, Jared and I were mini-celebrities and spent our breakfast time answering questions from the crew members who wanted to know how much trouble we got in.

A number of us opted out of disembarking here. Apparently it would take quite a bit of effort to get anywhere worth visiting so enjoy these random photos of other places.

While I don't know what anyone else did, I spent my day mostly in bed. I pulled an Ellen. Though I never really slept as someone would barg in and interrupt me just in time to keep me from sleeping. I finally gave up at 4:30. I know.

We spent the evening up in Horizons listening to Vincenzo play his guitar. We all liked Vinny. I noted here, that "I'm getting the beginnings of whatever painful throat ailment I had in Greece and am very achy and tired." I opted for an early evening tonight and found Ellen and Jared already asleep when I got there.

As a fun side note, Jared and I took to spontaneously folding Ellen up in her bunk bed.

Sorrento

Oh I like Sorrento! A beautiful cliffside town, I spent the whole day thinking this is where the cheese came from. Then I realized it's Sargento not Sorrento. Anyways, Jared said the town looks Lord of Rings-y but having just come from Wales I disagreed. T'was a hot day and the women folk we're going in and out of the tiny little sandal and trinket shops. For some reason this made me irritable. Especially since none of these shops came with the recommended Man Bench for the unenthusiastic shopping partners. Jared and I broke off from the pack to do our own kind of exploration.

I did find a tiny Buddy...

and this guy, a taxi driver, who pulled over for ice cream and stood just like this for the entire 10 minutes it took him to eat it. It just looks so uncomfortable.

This was a clean, colorful place that Jared and I decided would be a good place to set up a base of operations for European exploration. Or perhaps just Sorrentian exploration.

On with our usual afternoon and dinner antics. Tonight was the ship Pool Party and everyone was outside enjoying the brisk night air and teaching Dad various line dances. Jared and I were casually informed of a crew party that was taking place later in the evening. Jared took this as a personal invitation and resolved to attend. Being a proud instigator, Dad roamed the ship looking for the door that would lead to the crew quarters. To my horror, he found it and giggly informed Jared of its whereabouts. Now for the record, I refused to go. I said "No no no! We're not allowed. Not going!" After a good 12 minutes of Jared holding open the heavy white door that blatantly read, "Crew Only", he physically picked me up and tossed me inside. I immediately went into survival mode and sprinted up the stairs faster that Ellen when she hears her phone ringing, a swirling vortex of white walls encompassing my tunnel vision. I could hear people shuffling around and talking and I thought running straight up would somehow keep me safe. 

The most unfortunate aspect of the whole thing was that one must descend a staircase into a pool of crew members to officially "join" the party. This put my red face hideously on display as I tried to casually saché down the stairs as though I belonged there. I didn't dare look around as I could feel pairs of eyes burning through my black party dress which only helped to distinguish me as an outsider. I could only hear my heart beating and people mumbling about having "never seen those two before." 

We didn't last two minutes before head of security came over in his tank top and flip flops asking for my access card. "My whaaaat?!" I shrieked. Jared managed to get a cup of coffee from Arugala who seemed immensely perplexed by the whole thing. We were escorted back up the stairs, the mob of 50 crew members all smirking and mumbling, thoroughly entertained by our break-in. I remember telling Jared to laugh and act like this was part of the plan until we were out of sight. All in all we were reprimanded very politely however we did in fact breech security and one more slip up would result in being kicked off the boat. Blacklisted!! We were sent back to our room without delay and were even "escorted" there by a little asian sailor who got lost and needed our help to find it. We promptly left again and ran up to Horizons to tell whoever may still be awake. We only found Georgia, still up smoking with Panos, discussing overzealous pet owners.