Only Tricks. Never Treats!!

Guess who was foiled again by her relentless and cold university?

I missed the memo that made it legal to change contractual agreements after a victim signs them. I also missed the one that made it legal to not tell them you have done so. Boy am riled up!!

Here I am, a helpless pre-diabetic, longing for freedom and halloween candy, and they just stuck it to me. Turns out, my heart wrenchingly beautiful study abroad program didn't count!! Ok it counted but still. Without boring you with details, I merely received "hours" for the courses I took over there. I didn't receive "credit" for them. What does this mean? It basically says, "yep, you sat through two classes. We recognize your time spent with these 6 'hours' for your transcripts."
It should say, "We recognize that you completed a course on photography and therefore are proficient in photography basics. Here are 6 'credits' acknowledging your standing in the Photographic Educational Scale."

Heres the kicker. Pre-departure, I presented the Head of the Art Department with a document stating that my Greek course is equal to and will take the place of the College of Charleston Photography one class. He signed it and I flocked off to paradise - to study of course. On Saturday I attempted to sign up for classes for my concluding semester of serving time and alas, I'm missing the prerequisite to take Photography 2. Pardon?

Apparently the Art Head went back and changed my form to give me elective credit for both of my courses. I saw a copy of it. He scratched it out with his fine, black-ink ballpoint pen. Casually rolling over the only chance I had at furthering my photographic education. I hope he feels guilty.
So now I have to choose 2 of 3 classes for next semester and to be honest (though equally dramatic) I truly can't decide which ones are less offensive. I really don't know what to do.

The only good thing to come out of this is my ability to begin writing my Riches to Rags story upon completion of all things school.

Anyways.                                              Happy Halloween!

Fitness Blows

Apart from my veiny hands and feet becoming even more veiny, there's not a whole lot of interest in the fitness department. It's boring. I want to eat ice cream and candy corn. I love starchy foods. What is a meal without sweet tea?

I've spent a full week eating healthy foods and even going for runs and using muscles for more than squeezing out toothpaste twice a day. It's exhausting. I believe my body is better suited to lounging. I believe there is no such thing as runners high. That's a farce they tell fat people with addictive personalities. I feel like I'm gong to die during exercise. It can't be healthy to have your heart beating that fast. It just can't!!

In less self-centered news, Ellen has already turned on her new job. She says she just can't live off such meager earnings. Her skimpy, insufficient funds are causing her much anxiety, including dreams of being tortured and killed. I think she's a little obsessed with making money. I would be too if I expected a lavish life-style full of five star hotels and spa packages. Luckily I'm mentally prepared for the squalor I will wallow in upon graduating in May. As of yesterday, Ellen has decided to take a second job (of what kind, who knows?) to do in the day time and then work at the Bistro at night.

Mom and Dad are both still hacking and sniffing. They've become temporary sticky people. I've been drinking Emergen-C every time I go over there for Buddy love time and hot meals. This hurricane has brought in cold windy days that have invigorated Buddy and caused Mr. and Mrs. Snuffs to be more...snuffly.

Yeap. That about sums things up.
Enjoy these pictures from who knows when. I'm far too busy bettering myself to take photos.

I Guess I Was Faking

There's nothing wrong with me- aside from the obvious. Them doc's din fine nutin wrong wif my head.

Not that I was hoping for disaster but I'm a bit disappointed that there is no explanation for my thunderous throbbing head pain. Also, I was hoping there would be an empty void in the section where "concern and motivation" resides so that I might have an excuse for my disregard to what's expected of me. Alas, I am healthy in the head region. No excuses.

What we did learn however, is that my blood sugar is a little too high. I tell ya, I'm a fat kid on the inside. Dad scolded me for only eating white starches and sugar and never exercising. He told me I was going to have to change my lifestyle and start being healthy. I told him I had no time to exercise as I don't get home from work until 8. He told me I would "quit my crappin' job" if I have to. T'was the most serious face I've seen on my old man for some time now. He promptly went out and bought me twenty-four bottles of water, notifying me that I like drinking out of bottles more than cups. Since then, I have made a small effort to eat less sugar and drink my bottles of water. I had three of 'em yesterday. That's a record. I even did a sit-up last night, curling forward for another handful of popcorn. Only joking. It was kettle corn.

Perhaps this just the mildly alarming push I need to stop living like Rosie O'Donnell. Perhaps I'll better myself and become the newest fitness sensation. Ahaha!!

On another note. I was thinking about people's perceptions of themselves and I realized something extraordinary. When I picture me, as a noun, like you would a lamp or a door, I picture this little girl.

If you don't recognize her, she played a nerdy, fat little girl on a sitcom a few years ago. Her name was Tina and she was cute and you liked her in a dejected kind of way- the way you like basset hounds. Now I know I don't actually look like her but it's my perception of myself say, when I'm walking down the street or grocery shopping. I have one friend who pictures himself as a clothespin. See, I don't sound so strange now do I?

Do you see yourself differently from your real appearance? I suppose everyone does in some way or another but I feel like this little girl, looking up at my professors from my seat, driving past cops on the highway, learning to juggle potatoes in a roadside fruit stand. I think this is why I don't accept people who take me seriously. I mean come on. What if you saw her out in a field sorting pumpkins with Mexicans?

Food for thought.

Sniffles, Bistros, and MRI's

Much has happened since we've been home. Ellie Bells has gotten a new job managing at Med Bistro. She was offered quite a good deal with a flexible schedule and good pay and she seems pretty excited about it. She just had her first day on Thursday and says everyone is nice and it all seems pretty laid-back. Thats about all the information I got out of her. You know how she is.

Dad has had a bad case of the sniffles, coughing, and irritability. He feels better now although it seems he has potentially passed it to Mom. Ellen and I have been avoiding their germy residence on the grounds of not wanting to fall ill.

In an effort not to alarm you, I have not mentioned the headache I've had for three weeks and the past month I've spent rather dizzy and mildly disoriented. I'm sure I'm fine. Though I am disinclined to seek out medical advice, I reluctantly visited Dr. Blasé who suggested I have vertigo. He says its very common...in people over 60. He can't however explain my headache so he scheduled me for an MRI.

This past week I visited the radiology place for my Big Head Scan. I filled out all the paper work, took off all my metal jewelry, and had avoided food for four hours prior, just like they asked. When I got there a big guy named Scott lead me through the office and told me all the crap I needed to know. Then he put me in a big green chair, rolled up my sleeve, and tourniquet-ed me. "What are you doing!!?", I shrieked. Apparently they give you an IV so they can squirt dye into your arm mid-scan to help them see the pictures better. "Well ok." I said, hesitantly. It wasn't 15 seconds after he punctured my arm that I got hot and woosey. Gosh I felt bad. I could hear Scott talking but I couldn't understand him. "Are you alright? he asked. "Yeah!" I barked, trying to be tough. He asked me if I wanted to lay down. I stood up and followed Scott out of the room.

And then I woke up. There were six people staring down at me on my operating table. I was hot and damp and covered in wet towels. Apparently I walked into the hallway and just dropped. Scott had to scoop me up and carry me like a baby to the table. I felt much better once I woke up and became so embarrassed by the scene I caused that I immediately reverted to giggling. Despite insisting I was fine, Scott followed me around, staying behind me with his arms in a cage shape ready to react. I think I put Scott on edge. The rest of the scan went fine and I found that I enjoyed the solitude and soothing rumble of the big scanning machine. I continued giggling throughout my scan and I wondered if my vibrating head would ruin the pictures.

I guess we'll find out on Monday.

HonBons- And Other Mountain Mishaps

We spent the weekend in ole' Goode Virginia. I'm quite tickled by the whole thing and already find myself longing for the vast rolling landscape, the fall colors, and the company of such amusing folk. The few days we spent there packed in much adventure and accomplishments. The three of us headed up Thursday after my biology class. Ellen sat out this trip on account of prior obligations. Unfortunately I only whipped out my camera during this meeting of Peanut, their big red horse. I apologize for the lacking photo journalism.

We arrived close to supper time and expected Will and his girlfriend Kate to show up a little later. The five of us promptly went out for dinner, all the while Laurie was receiving vague texts from Kate suggesting trouble on the road. Don managed to surge his water glass across the table and into Mom's lap, causing quite the little scene and leaving Mom damp for the remainder of her meal. We had just gotten home when Will called informing us he had broken down on the side of the road. Dad and Don scampered off to the rescue while us gals stayed up playing Shanghai and eating peanut m&m's.

We woke up to warm cinnamon rolls and a vivid recount of last nights m-an'tics. I'm so sorry I missed the Evil Knievel stunt Will pulled to get his jeep onto the trailer. The men folk were very pleased by this feat.
Despite the fragile state of Mom's back, we decided to climb a mountain. Climbing a mountain always sounds like fun... until you start climbing. Mom lasted about 20 minutes. I might have sat down too if I hadn't passed a woman with a stoma Darth Vadering her way back down. "Well if she can do it..." Laurie said, hurdling over a rock. The hike was well worth the tremendous view at the top and thanks to Don's obtuse humor we made some friends that were "fun too". Unfortunately I forgot my camera and cannot enchant you with this scene. The descent went much more quickly as Will and I were following Kate who was hightailing it to the bathroom. As a reward we stopped for peach ice cream where we sat in the cool fall air, slurping our goods and talking about life and then CRASH!!!

Ernest T. Biggins (name provided by Will) pulled out in front of a shiny BMW, bashing in the front of the car. Right where we were sitting!! A few of us sprang into action. People swarmed the scene like rodents; coming out of the bushes, out from behind signs, dropping from the sky. I was embarrassed by the scene it had caused but somehow I stared anyways. Now don't worry, everyone was fine, though the lady in the shiny car seems to have hurt her foot. Biggins stayed in his truck, buckled in, hand draped over the steering wheel, just looking around until the firemen made him get out. It was an engrossing commotion. We left shortly after to go get fresh apples!

That night we had the most delicious pulled pork dinner and guilted Kate into playing Shanghai. She sat begrudgingly, poised with her "focus face", hoping the ordeal would pass quickly. All the while eating peanut m&m's.

The following morning was spent practicing our bird calls and various animal noises. The guys eventually headed outside to do Man Things while us gals sat around the fire talking girl talk. We enjoyed soup and m&m's and talked about everything from the importance of friends to plans for the future. Unbeknownst to us, the guys were outside resuscitating Peanut who had decided to to try to die upon discovering that he was to have some shoe work done. We spent the rest of the afternoon watching The Godfather while the adults continued their card playing tournament. We took a break for a delicious dinner at an old post office where Will impressed and outraged us by eating enough food for three people. While I don't know what went on in the adult car, us kids were ranking celebrities on a 1-10 scale of bewitching good looks. Turns out Kate likes blonds, I like brunettes, and Will likes Ryan Gosling.

We returned home to finish The Godfather, which was a much awaited triumph of Kate's. On a mournful note, Dad busted Laurie in the accidental "Shanghai Scandal of 2012". I'm not sure he'll forgive her.
And with just a few remaining clusters of m&m's we packed our things and hit the dusty trail.

Until next time HonBons.

Last Week

...was a good'in. Actually it was mostly miserable but two things made it superiorly acceptable. To start with, I rode in a helicopter.

Live 5 news came to the farm to film our corn maze from overhead. The two Russian goobers that were flying the chopper had an extra seat and so Erik called me over and stuffed me in. This was one of those tiny whirlybirds with no doors. Two people from the news station rode in the back and I sat up front with the pilot, desperately clenching my seatbelt while my legs hung outside, dangling over the congested town of Mt. Pleasant. There is nothing in those things to hold on to. It's literally your seat, a windshield, and air. I did get to wear one of those official looking earphone microphone walkie-talkie rigs and I otherwise sat a still as a statue. I was supposed to lean to the side when we turned but seeing as that would mean leaning out of the copter I simply chose to mentally lean. It was a short little ride. Just long enough for me to get comfortable with the idea before we landed. I'm really excited about it. I'm ready to go again!! Alas I'll just have to wait for next years corn maze.

And numero 2...Mattie came to visit!!

She was just here for two nights but she got to meet Ellen, Chris, and Jared as well as some "friendly" local dudes who found her artsy glasses to be very attractive. We went out and showed her around and stuffed our faces with good food. Mostly she and I whined about how much we miss Greece and we re-told each other stories we were both present for. We probably annoyed everyone else but Oh to have a tiny piece of my summer back here for a moment.

All that said, this week is mid-terms.

But don't worry, doesn't look like I have any. Slipshod school.