I arrived in Jacksonville at the same time Mattie rolled in to get Karissa from the airport. We met at a Chic-fil-a and laughed and squealed maniacally at stories we've told a thousand times. It was around 1:00. Kelsey's flight from California did not arrive until 10:45. To kill time, we went to a nail salon and those two had mani-pedis. Meanwhile I sat in the waiting room, reading a magazine, inhaling the noxious fumes and being hit on by a fourteen year old boy with Larry the Cable Guy's accent.
We eventually ate some grub and then hung out at the airport, giggling at a rate that even embarrassed me at times. We scooped up little Kelsey and made the hour drive to St. Augustine. Since Mattie's folks were out of town, we stayed at their swanky beach-front condo. It was a purse-swinger. To clarify, "purse-swinger" as defined by Mom, is any room or location where upon swinging a purse or bag in a lasso-like fashion will most assuredly cause devastation to the room's decorative accents and furniture.
We went to bed promptly and woke up early to wander through St. A for the day. We saw Mattie's school and apartment and then spent the rest of the day with some of her roommates and friends.
Who are these people you ask? Doesn't matter. We got up early the next day and drove to Port Canaveral, barely making it on time. Actually, we were late but a nice Jamaican man with dreadlocks of course let us scamper down the gangway with just a few minutes to spare.
Just as predicted, this was bar-none, the tackiest and most offensive public space I've ever been in. The four of us busted out laughing, crashing in to each other having stopped short to gawk at the scene. We didn't realize that the "Sensation" was not meant to be family friendly. It was a 70's Playboy boat. It was the Red Light District at sea!! Alright it wasn't that bad but the sexual undertones were blatant. And neon. Hot pink neon lights, pervy fonts, and shiny mirrored surfaces covered the boat. We wandered past the Ecstasy Lounge and the Fantasy Dining Room to get to our staterooms. Our rooms were quite spacious and the beds were particularly comfortable. Our only trouble was that our rooms seemed to be located on top of the engine or some other internal, vibrating machine down below. Everything rattled and made noise but our Indonesian steward, BamBang, assured us that everything was fine.
I didn't really take pictures of the boat. I don't know how that slipped my mind but this is "Sensation Boulevard" the main strip of shops on board.
Overall the boat was very dark inside and filled with delinquents and newlyweds alike. There was a pool-side dance party to kick off our departure and at the sound of the Cupid Shuffle, black people swarmed the pool deck. They came out of nowhere! There were also a number of young folks like ourselves, just goofing off together before Christmas. Within an hour, everyone at the pool seemed to be drunk and that seemed to be the last of the sobriety we witnessed from our shipmates. It really was a delinquent cruise. About 5:00, the boat started rockin'. Karissa threw-up just under a dozen times the first night. She had never been on a cruise before and the seasickness caught her by surprise. The other three of us danced the night away in the "Disco" warding off creeps and getting our toes stomped on by a behemoth group of college basketball players.
The next day we were in Nassau. As we had all been here before, we went out for a celebratory margarita and ended up starting quite the party in the restaurant. Actually, it was mostly those other three. I'm always a bashful person you see. Within minutes those gals had corralled enough folks to fill the dance floor and there we spent our afternoon- befriending other patrons as we played games and did line dances.
And met this guy that we couldn't get rid of.
Later we went to the beach and ran into some of our new "friends".
The next day was a day at sea and I became very seasick. I spent the day wrapped in a blanket on the back of the boat on the "Serenity" deck. Boy I felt bad but I was able to eaves drop on some most amusing conversations from topics ranging from home invaders to the office Bimbo somewhere in Pensacola.
In case you didn't know, I haven't thrown-up since Clinton was in office. I was 9 and in Sunday School. It scarred me for life. It has since been my life's mission to never throw up again. Like Seinfeld, I proudly announce this feat. I believe it was a meager Black and White cookie that ended Jerry's non-vomit streak, so you see, I was under a lot of pressure to keep it down. There I sat, green in the face, freezing, and staring straight out to sea, so still a few folks thought I was decoration. The gals would come to check on me from time to time, in between dance parties and bad 80's Broadway reenactments.
As a whole, the food was "meh", the service was only slightly better, and I didn't even dare expose myself to any "on board entertainment" but you know, I would do the whole thing again in a heartbeat. I had a blast!
Once off the boat, we left Kelsey at the Orlando Airport and then drove back to St. A. I took Karissa to the Jacksonville Airport as it was on my way home but alas, I was so tired that I turned around and went back to Mattie's. I decided I would drive back in the morning so Mattie was forced to entertain me for one more day, which she did quite well once her big brother arrived from Nashville for Christmas. The two of them began breakdancing in the purse-swinging living room providing me with much laughter and terror for the breakables as well. Suddenly, I began coughing and feeling lousy so we ordered pizza which we ate on the pristine white sofa over the immaculate white rug. The brother looked me in the eye and said, "Don't. Spill." Then he proceeded to bring me a big mug of scalding hot tea for my cough that teetered in my nervous paws. The nerve-wracking horror of what could be shook me to my core.
I got up early the next morning and slugged my way back to Charleston. I've had quite the Christmas fever since then and was even left out of the Orangeburg festivities. Seems I've caught a bug....
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