Happy Christmas

This Christmas is unlike any other Christmas for us. Normally we would wake up tomorrow morning, fix up a cup of coffee and lazily open presents before our Big Christmas Breakfast. Normally we laze around a bit before driving to Orangeburg to spend the day with Dad's folks. But instead we had a semi-mini-Christmas tonight. We opened most of our presents before dinner so that Chris could be here for our first "almost family" Christmas together. Tomorrow we will wake up and spend the morning in a frantic frenzy, packing and planning and no doubt arguing about proper "Winter in Florida" attire. All of this fuss because... tomorrow were driving to Miami for Ellen and Chris' wedding.

It all takes place on Friday and we're leaving tomorrow because we unanimously concluded that driving Bellie to Miami the day before her wedding would result in a sleepy and therefore horrendously cantankerous bride. 

I ain't puttin' up with no Bridezilla! 

And so we gathered earlier this evening and pretended it was Christmas morning.

Some highlights included Ellen's bad wrapping jobs, Dad's new Nerd Light, and a new walking harness Ellen bought for Buddy that we all, upon watching her pull it out of the bag, thought was a giant black thong. She didn't tell us what it was at first. She just said "I got this for Buddy." and then pulled it out. The room fell silent until finally someone screeched "You bought Buddy a thong??" Look at it. Even in the blurry picture it looks all wrong.

After presents, dinner, and few rounds of Pig, Chris headed home to get some sleep. He's headed to Florida really early in the morning to get some family time in before the Big Day. The rest of us watched The Grinch while the Stagnant Slapper looked for ways to entertain himself. He wrestled Buddy, ate some raisins, and then came and sat on the floor in front of us, taunting us with air-jabs, slaps, and karate chops.

They've all gone to bed now. I can't sleep. It's 3:37am. When I was little it was the excitement that kept me up. Right now I think its the giant bag of gummy watermelons I hate haphazardly while reading this really great book that I can't put down. I've read two-hundred and thirty pages just today. I brag about this only because it's very much not like me. Unknowingly consuming an entire bag of rubber candy however, well that's got Laura written all over it. 

This is all off topic. 

A Happy Christmas to all you folks. I sure hope it's doozie.

Budds and Birds

It is a consistently pleasing thing to experience warm weather in the "wintertime". Usually we have warmer Christmases and I've always been pleased by this. I'm not sure that it's technically winter yet but it was almost 80˚ today and while I hate to admit to being a curmudgeon, I've been horrendously cranky lately and I tell you what, feeling the warm sun on my shoulders slapped me right back into old Laura. 

Outside makes me happy.

Budds and I ventured out for some Dock Time and sunbathing. I opened the gate and he took off, flying towards the pod of seagulls on the end of the dock. It took him less than 5 seconds to run the full length of the rickety wooden boards but the gulls got the last laugh, sailing away in the wind just in time.

All of us took naps this afternoon. Even Ellen and Chris came over and she promptly conked out upstairs, leaving Chris on the sofa wondering where everybody went. I had the distinct pleasure of napping with my window open. I curled up on the bottom corner of my bed, closest to the window, and slept with a cool sea breeze blowing through my hair.

To top off an already lovely day, all of Mom's folks came over for our Christmas dinner and we dined on a giant turkey and Carolyn's magical Pineapple Slop. Carolyn had us all in stitches telling us about a time her shoe boxes fell out of the closet in the middle of the night and David screamed like a girl.
"A six year old girl." he clarified.

Since they've left, I've taken Budds for a neighborhood jaunt and Mom and Dad are watching Prison Break. It's a great Holiday classic. Tomorrow is my last day of work until January 6th! Just have to make it through one more lunch shift at the Smelly Deli and I'm free as a bird.

Hopefully not one that Buddy chases.

Winter Ventures

Dad and I walked Budds all the way over to Sunrise Park. Buddy strangled himself against his collar the whole way there and the whole way back. "I'd let you off but you can't be trusted", Dad would tell Buddy as he wheezed his way along, briefly sniffing mail boxes and piles of yard debris.

While Budds has often had a secret escape from the shackles of his oppressive backyard, it seems he currently holds the key to the back gate. We can't find his hole. We don't know how he is getting out. Budds has taken to letting himself out anytime we ignore him for too long or worse, bring him inside and then carry on with our day. He'll sit with us, patiently watching tv or reading mail and when we let him out into the darkness to go to the bathroom before bed, he casually slinks away and can be heard barking far off in the distance. Even at this moment he is on the prowl. It's 1am. I let him out almost two hours ago for a quick bathroom break and he has yet to show back up. I left the gate open for him in case, once his freedom high wears off, he realizes how cold it is outside. At least he could curl up in the porch furniture.

When Life Gives You Mustaches...

Before she left, Aunt Georgia gave us a packet of mustaches. "For your next wig night." she said, and flung them onto the counter by the window. In honor of the holiday spirit, we donned our wigs, hats, and staches. Yet again, it proved impossible to wipe the smirks off of our faces. Ellen in particular never once stopped smiling. 

Dad, however, managed to stay in character for the entirety of the evening, no matter what I put on his head.

You have to wonder about some folks don't ya. Or you could join 'em.

Thanks for the staches Georgie! I hope we did you proud.

Mr. and Mrs. Unibomber

I feel there was an abrupt ending to your whirlwind, wedding-less trip to Charleston. And most of all, I am put out that I was not able to give you goodbye hugs. Those are the serious hugs. None of those day to day lighthearted hugs. So please, give each other a profound and even lingering hug, just for me. T'was lovely to see you two. Even so briefly.

Since your departure, all has gone back to normal. I did finally go see the big cat with the thick neck. Indeed, he's a doozie. I've been slaving away at the Deli most days but alas it is raining today so they sent me home early.

I am now at the point within my year to begin some very big planning. Spring'll be comin'. Where should I go?

Well since you've asked, I'm thinking about Europe again. For a while there I was inclined to save loads of money so that I could eventually buy one of those pricey flights to Australia. I really want to go there. And to New Zealand. Those mountains! And beaches! But then I decided it was way too far to go alone. I'm afraid of being kidnapped and/or hit by a car. So I've decided to wait for a husband or a group of 3 or more to accompany me on that particular adventure. 

Countering that dream, Mattie has booked a flight to Greece in July. I know. I KNOW! 

What do I do?? I've found a few farms in Spain and Portugal that I'm debating working on for a month or so. Then I could causally dance over to Paros for just a quick little month long visit. 

You know what though? I'm kind of itchin' to explore this country. I'd like to go out west. Oh and north. Like Montana north not New York north. Though I would enjoy going to Boston I think and Vermont. I'd also like to go to Seattle and Portland and work on a vineyard picking grapes in northern California. Oh and Denver and Nashville and Austin, Texas. 

I'm truly conflicted. By the way, (since I know you're judging me...Georgia!) I do realize I can't do this forever. But at the moment I quite literally have nothing else to do. 

Yesterday Was Freezing

I spent my afternoon out at Boone Hall, slowly becoming one solid mass of frozen matter. Theoretically, it wasn't all that cold. It was 47˚. BUT add wind and misty rain and you've got a farm full of cold, snot-filled Mt. Pleasantians. This did not deter the unwavering and steadfast drunks who came to enjoy the Wine Festival. They brought blankets and rubber boots. Coolers and wine bags. I even saw one couple sporting some kind of medallion necklaces that hold your wine glass for you, freeing your hands to pick through veggie trays and cheese plates.

So there I stood, smiling at the oncoming sober faces, handing them glasses and answering the same three or four questions from each group. My script consisted of the following statements.

- Why yes thanks. I am freezing.
- You're just going to walk right through here.
- Oh I'm sorry. There is no ATM.     (you're on a farm)
- The bathrooms? They're just behind you.
- Sir. Please don't take those.

While I was beyond elated to see my Mexican Loves, these were truly miserable conditions. I will accept that 30% of my misery was my fault because I did not wear the proper heat saving shoes. It sure makes a difference when your feet are cold. I lost feeling in my toes after about an hour. I also experienced an extremely sharp pain in my frozen right ankle when I walked and so I decided that if anyone should push me, my ankle would surely snap in two.

I ran up out of that joint the minute Jadie told me I could go. Normally I stick around to visit with my fellas and help clean up what I can. I busted out of there with minimal farewells for my loves. All the guys are headed to Mexico next week for their much earned vacation time and Antonio's big wedding.

Anywho. Jadie did send me this awful picture he found of me standing with the Boone Hall BigWigs at last year's festival. On the far right there is Willie. He owns the place and grew up in the plantation house. You can still see his model airplanes and baseball cards up in his old bedroom. It's strange to see his childhood relics keeping space on the kind of old antebellum furniture you see in display cases in museums. It's weird to me that he slept in those creepy old beds as a kid.

I came straight home yesterday and sat in my bathtub of nearly boiling water for about an hour. I've finally thawed out, thanks. 

Sunshine Makes Me Happy

I've got spring fever. That's what happens when I'm cold for TWO weeks and then it feels nice outside. This is such a tease. Either way, yesterday, on my one day off a week, I went to the beach.

I also ran a number of errands which was highly productive for me. My errands included yet another Gas Station Oddity. I could write a book on the encounters and observations that take place every time I pump gas. I also ran by the office to say goodbye to Ellie Bells. She's in Charlotte this weekend for pre-wedding celebrations with her girl friends. I was supposed to join in on this fun time however the girl covering my shift at the restaurant remembered she has an exam today. So here I am. In my blue restaurant t-shirt. Just waiting for time to pass. I also couldn't go on account of the Wine Festival out at Boone Hall. It is tomorrow afternoon and I must go and stand around, smiling and answering questions. I'm quite pleased to be back on the farm for a day but I heard a rumor that tomorrow brings a torrential downpour. 

December

Oh Oh December!!

Oh I like the December. Christmas and hot cocoa. Winter tunes and cozy sweaters...not that I condone being cold. Today is an especially toasty day which is the only reason I'm feeling optimistic about the weather. It's so nice I'm wearing flip-flops!

I've been quite busy lately which is why I have no real news of substance or photos to show you. All of us have been in a holiday scramble, preparing the house decor and hearty dinners. Also, and even more time consuming, I've gotten my folks hooked on Prison Break. Now don't laugh. Prison Break is a great show. It came out when I was 15 and I was so enthralled with it. I picked up all sorts of prison lingo which, to this day, I try to work into everyday conversation. For instance, before graduating, I informed my advisor that I was worried the registrar was going to "toss a dime" on my sentence.

After the first season I got my folks hooked and people judged us. "Y'all watch that prison program?" they would sneer. There were four seasons. Go indulge yourself. It's on Netflix. We've all been staying up late rooting for the cons and seething at the ruthlessness of the correctional officers. It's all I think about during the day. What's going to happen? I don't remember. Oh It's so exciting!

In other news, we're excited for your visit Georgie and Bill! Think how nice it will feel here compared to the tundra you've been enduring. Hope the nice weather lasts for ya.

Smiles for Miles

I woke up cranky this morning and have been scowling all day. My nickname at the restaurant is "Smiles". It's short for the above title and on people's receipts it says "Your server was: Smiley Cyrus."
While I do not approve of, in any way, being related to Miley Cyrus I look past this slur and see the compliment inside.

Today I went on about my tasks like any other day. About two hours into my shift I announced to the kitchen that I was cranky and they simply said, "We know." They said they could tell because they couldn't see as many teeth today. They laughed at my crankiness. As if it was nothing. As if happy little Laura is not capable of cranky. "Grumpy Laura is still nicer than anybody else." they scoffed.

I reckon this should be a compliment but in turn it made me feel guilty for hiding those back molars. It's my job to be happy and I will be scorned for ever slacking on the job. I don't really mind this. You never know if you're going to be the only pleasant thing in someone's day and so I try to be approachable and smiley.

Sometimes it wears me out. And sometimes people tell me whats bothering them and then my heart breaks in two and I carry their sad stories around with me until I accept that there's nothing I can do to help. That's what makes me cranky. It all piles up and I wake up down.

I sure wish I could help folks, beyond permitting them to admire the product of the obscene amount of money it took to straighten out my shark teeth. Gosh I had bad teeth. Do you remember how I had rows of teeth? That was my nickname in elementary school. Shark Teeth. Why do I only have dental nicknames?

Anyways. I am in no mood for socializing however tonight there are two "very important" football games on and everyone is downstairs enjoying camaraderie and snacks. Dad even rigged this set up...

so that they may watch both games at the same time.

I think I'll fester a bit longer before I go downstairs. Just for effect.

Happy Thanks

Tis quite late in the day for posting my Thanks alas I couldn't quite get it together today. We've just gotten home from the rip roaring good times at Melody's house and I am quite sleepy. I've got to get up for work in the morning (whaa?) and so I have only a few more hours of Thankful Slumping to partake in before bedtime.

I've taken no pictures on this day. I forgot. Sorry. But I'll see my lacking photo-journalism and raise you some classic photos I dug out of a box this morning.

To start with...

Next we have you, Georgie, with your Fabio calendar.

Following we have, Ari and Laura: The Early Years, my Urkel impression (pre-puberty. See what I mean?), and a mother with her new baby Ellen.

I also dug up some pictures from '93 with the Honbons and a few from a visit to their place in 2001. There are three dogs I vaguely remember and a photo of Ellen and me posing with Will and Tripp's favorite stuffed animals. These baby Honion photo's really warm my heart and tickle my fancy.

I've found some truly horrendous photos of Mom and Ellen and nothing would thrill me more than to cause public humiliation by revealing them here, alas, my lifelong fear of Ellen's wrath with prevent me from ever committing such a foolish blunder. 

Remind me to pull them out next time you're here.