Last Year At This Time...

... I was all hot and bothered about signing up for classes. I was cranky that I had a whole other semester to suffer through. Not anymore. This year I'm not hot or bothered. Cool and sleepy would be more accurate. I've just come back from a double whammy restaurant/Finn day and gosh! Finn has caught on to my devilish scheme of putting him to sleep with a 9 minute lullaby that I leave on repeat while I drive him home. He demanded I turn it off and then he fell asleep 30 seconds later. I turned it back on. Just for good measure.

As a small update, Mom is still painting trim, Dad has moved back into the boredom-slapping stage, Ellen remains in her standard frenzy, and I still don't know what to do with my life. And there you have it.

Happy Halloween

Home

I have quickly thrown together snippets of just two or three average days in the Union household and I think it officially declares us as nerds.
Here I have documented Ellen and my process of creating new acrobatics, Dad's Don-stach, and Mom's drinking of baking soda to relieve her heartburn. I filmed this bit purely to capture the inevitable baking soda burp. We actually sat around in the kitchen waiting for it. It turned out to be quite anticlimactic.

Much like this video.

Ari Makes The World Go Round

I had Ari this week and oh my life was full again. It was actually particularly exhausting as she was keeping me out until the wee hours even though I had to work the next day. I didn't mind. I had never really noticed how antisocial I am when Ari isn't around. She's my person. My platonic companion. If theres somewhere to go, she'll come with me. Need to water the garden? She'll just sit with you.

I have friends here in Charleston. But do you think I go see them? Nope. I do when Ari is here though which makes it a double whammy. Ari and other friends at the same time!
Ari has left now and I'm back to walking through this cold world all alone.

So. Ari and I had our Surf Bar date and a beach walk topped of with guacamole and a celebratory margarita. We had dinner with friends, dessert with musical Julie's household, and even ran into Tim, who neither of us had seen or heard of since I professed my love back in the Spring. I was so shocked and embarrassed when I saw him that I knocked my water glass across the table, ice spewing across the wood floor, and water dripping down the table legs. We can't all be this attractive.

Ari enjoyed touring her potential Grad schools and so far has put UGA in the top space. She still has a few to look at including UVA and potentially a school in Texas. We want to make this into a road trip. I'll keep you posted.

In other news, 

I've gotten my folks hooked on a show called Arrow. Have you heard of it? Lukas hooked me on it in Wales and I would turn down social outings and mini-adventures because I just HAD to watch the next episode. I noticed it on netflix and made my folks watch. It took three episodes to suck them in and I have not seen much of them since. They were staying up late watching episodes and they even admitted to watching a few in the middle of the afternoon. They have now completed the entire first season. The second season just started three weeks ago and is only available by illegal download. I showed Dad where to find them and he has barreled through the three episodes, leaving Mom and I behind to catch up before the newest episode on Wednesday. 

Also, reason #28 that I hate cold weather; Ellen thinks this is ok.

The Lazy Days

Baxter goes to the bathroom in my bedroom. He always has. We don't why. He carries his skinny little carcass up the stairs, surveys my bedroom, and finds a nice pile of clothes to relive himself on. He will only go on piles of fabric. Not the wood floor or tile in my bathroom. Just the rug or my clothes. Remember when I got back from Wales and whined that I'd had a cold for more than twenty days? We went away for Honbon Weekend and when I got back it happened again. I'd wake up congested and shaky and generally feeling pluggish. So I slept on the couch... I woke up fine. Slept in my room - sick. Back on the couch... good to go!

I'm allergic to something in my bedroom. It's not the dust. We got rid of the dust! Theres no mold or mildew or even Buddy hair. But there is Baxter, delicately curled up on my pillow with his little green eyes gently closed to the world.
It's his urine. We googled it.
So we threw out my rug, mopped my floor, and are currently contemplating repainting. I've been sleeping on the couch for about 2 weeks now. That I don't mind. But I go to bed around 1:00. Dad gets up at 5 or 6 and bangs around the kitchen making coffee and talking to Buddy. Doors are slamming. Coffee cups clang together. Buddy barks. The coffee maker is beeping and all the while, I've only slept 4 hours.
"Dad, could you be a little quieter in the morning?"
"Sure thing Lulu." he says and then SSLLAAMMM!!!! goes the front door on his way out at 7:00.

I am now at a point of delirium so extreme that I'm not even sure I'm alive. I've been at the fast paced restaurant in the mornings and then I go straight to pick up Finn who runs me around outside for a few hours and then I'm sent home to wait for sleep to come. Sleep teases me. I dream of lazy summer mornings and afternoon naps. I long for the feeling of cold sheets against my skin. The euphoria of a feather pillow under my cheek.

I'm so out of it that I asked a woman yesterday if she wanted her grilled cheese toasted.
And then I laughed like a maniac while she waited with a straight face.

I've never worked for tips before. I think it's going well.

I'm a dreamin' of the lazy days.

Last Week in Pictures

Last week was chockablock full o' things.

I finally had some Ellen time, baked goods, and even a wee bit o' dock time.

So, to sum up my week I give you... five pictures I took with my phone. -and one I stole from Carlos' Facebook page.

To start with, Budd's has decided he's a lap dog.

There was more of this guy...

And I painted a ceiling, unknowingly dragging flyaways across the wet paint. Imagine my surprise when I looked in the mirror and thought I had gone grey overnight.

I had a little bit of down(town) time... speaking of which. I have illegally parked in the same spot for work everyday since last Wednesday. I have yet to be ticketed. So far, I should have paid about $60 alas, the city doesn't seem to notice my car. It's a miracle. I wonder how long I'll get away with this. Mwahaha!!

And most exciting of all, I went to see my fellas!

I didn't bother to think about the fact that it was lunch hour when I drove out to Boone Hall so I didn't get to really make my rounds and say hello to everyone BUT I did visit ye ole veggie tent and got great big hugs from my favorite of fellas! It was so exciting to see them again and gosh it made me miss the place. The air is so sweet there. And the greens are a' growin'. And the flowers are a' bloomin'. You've heard it all before. But gosh I love that place. I was given quite the tour by Jadie who was very excited to show me all the changes since I last showed up in May. I was also updated on the pranksters latest antics which involve planting ugly halloween masks in the bottoms of okra barrels for Rhetta to dig up in the morning.

Also, Chris Rock showed up after I left and hung out with the guys.

This week is uber busy AND I HAVE ARI!!! (By the way Don, you've made me really self conscious about my exclamation points. But what can I say. I'm hysterical)

So I Have This Thing

I always find animals in peril!

Since I was a wee snot-nosed brat myself, I would always stumble upon lost or injured animals. Birds that fall out of nests, land-locked turtles, a pelican with a broken wing...
I even found a stray kitten at the beach. At the beach! How did it get there?

Last week I found Fiona.

Fiona broke her tail. I found her in one of the flower boxes on the patio. So I stared at her a bit, took some pictures, and then spoke to her with a condescending baby voice. "Did you hurt your tail? Oh little baby hurt her tail, didn't you? Didn't you?"

Mom told me to leave her alone, however I insisted we try to save her and Dad agreed she would be gobbled up by a raccoon in just a few hours.

"What are you going to do with her?" Mom asked.

"Well, give it milk." Dad replied.

"Birds don't drink milk." she argued.

"It's a baby. Babies drink milk."

"Milk will give it diarrhea." Mom insisted.

"Oh you just happen to know that milk gives birds IBS."

"Well. Yeah." she countered.

While they bickered, I built a nest for Fiona in a shoe box. I was just about to hurl myself off the dock in search of worms for her dinner when Dad tried to move Fiona into her new nest and she "flew away". She didn't get very far and she had a rough landing but she hid away in a bush while we stared at her trembling yellow chest. There was no bringing her in the house now (or bottle feeding her warm milk) so we left her outside to die.

Isn't that sad.

Gosh

I'm slacking with my posts this month aren't I? I've been busy with all of my leisure time activities. And by leisure I mean doing all kinds of yard and house work for my folks. I finally ventured out into the world yesterday to meet up with an old Cupcake friend. I ran into a few other people by chance and rather than being thrilled so see me they simply said, "What are you doing out in public?"

I have recently taken a job in a little cafe on Broad Street. Don't let the little part fool you. It may be small but it is jam-packed with people all day long. It's quite stressful actually. While everyone does a bit of everything, my "job" is to coordinate orders and deliveries with the kitchen staff, waiters, and two delivery dudes. As of this moment it's still very early so I cannot say with confidence that I am suitable for this position. As you know, I'm simple minded. It's a lot and builds up fast. Overwhelming would be a good word for it. Alas, I'll catch the hang of it and become so comfortable that lunchtime patrons are subjected to my unabashed attempts at humor and incessant, one-sided giggling.

In the meantime, we've been enjoying the final days in the backyard, as the marsh grass turns from green to gold and the fiddlers burrow down for the winter. While Mom continues to get every ounce of dust out of my room, Ellen had some swing time, and I've been trying to master my handstand. I just can't stay up there.

And look how nice Ari's yard is looking. Ari is coming home this weekend. Technically she is visiting schools as she's headed forward in life for her Masters but she'll be passing through and I'm elated to have her for a few days. Initially, I was going to ride down to New Orleans with her on her way back but now that I have this job my fun has been ruined. 

I was also going to go see Jared in November but I'm not sure about that now. Not looking good toots.

Well Let's See

Life's been dull lately. Well, since returning from Honbon weekend anyway.

Buddy has become somewhat cantankerous. He's getting bolder with his sass and stubbornness and now takes off running as soon as I open the gate to take him for walks. He runs off into the darkness, refusing to acknowledge my calls while he hides away in neighboring shrubbery. He shows up later in the night, usually bustling with excitement. He has also taken to inviting himself up on the sofa and pretending to sleep so that we won't make him get down.

Mimicking Buddy's juvenile behavior, Ellen has been finding Dad and my cheap shots less amusing than usual and now thinks us offensive rather than funny. We however, find our words riotous and choke out apologies as she stomps out to her car and drives away.

Mom has started repainting the baseboards and molding in the house. Chris' folks are coming to visit in the next few weekends and Mom is convinced they will notice our "dingy" paint job.

Dad enslaved me for a day and had me laying sod in the backyard of one of his projects. I'd never laid sod before and while I very much enjoyed the almost instant transformation, that was the most exhausting gig ever. And dirty. I really liked it. I hope I never have to do it again. I have mixed feelings about it. That same evening we brought in the floating dock and after surveying the day's damage, the both of us received the most trauma to our right hands. Dad's thumb endured a match, a power drill, and a barnacle. I got off with a bad blister and an ant-bite. But don't you undermine my ant-bite. It's on a joint in a high-traffic zone.

I hate to cut this riveting news report short but I suppose I'll spare you for now. Enjoy these pictures of beach outings, road trips, Sunday acrobatics, and Archie, a furry friend who tolerated my presence on account of the steak I was eating.

Let's Talk About Puberty

I was disturbed the other day. The puberty kind of disturbed. I heard a woman announce on national television that she was "pms-ing." How revolting.

Just the next day, a quick jaunt to the beach put me in contact with a bunch of moody tweenage girls. One of which was whining about something while the others pat her shoulders and shot glances of unbridled amusement between each other. "It's just your hormones." I heard one say.
"It's not your fault."

Oh. Yes it is.

First of all, I don't want to hear about anyone's physical atrocities. Whether or not I can relate, you will give me a most unsatisfactory mental image and I will NEVER look at you the same way again. I will also judge you for having hormones. I ignored mine and I expect you to do the same.

Back in my days of youth, I remember being embarrassed by adults talking about my hormones. They were after all, mine, and therefore none of your business. But what made it most upsetting for me was that mine weren't actually causing me any trouble at all. I found it embarrassing that adults assumed my hormones were running wild. They weren't wild. Quite sedate actually. I was a skinny, weird looking, tan girl that didn't speak to anyone. No problem there.

To be honest, I have no recollection of going through puberty at all. I just woke up and it was done. I fell asleep looking like Urkel and woke up the newest member of the Kardashian family. Just like that. Overnight. Fell forward when I got out of bed that morning.
The only tough part was trying to figure out why I was suddenly, after 8 years of school with the same uninterested kids, a sought after "conversation."

"You think I'm interesting?" I sincerely wondered when a senior asked me to the movies. Turns out it wasn't my necklace that he found so captivating. I was shocked when I finally put it all together. I wasn't thinking about bodies or sex. "What's wrong with these kids?" I wondered. I was more worried about getting through the day without being seen. Were there other priorities?

Perhaps I just don't understand hormones. What is it they do anyway? Make you sleepy? I remember being sleepy. And hungry. Maybe the beach tween just needs a sandwich.
Can I fix you with a sandwich? How about a kick in the fanny? Would you like that?

I'm not going anywhere with this. I'm just bothered. Keep your feelings and sticky tears to yourself. And don't talk about them on TV.
Oprah.

So please children, for everyone's sake and the sake of pubescent bystanders, fester in silence.

Honbons: And Other Vomit Inducing Fun

We spent our weekend in Blowing Rock, NC with my most prized possession, the Hons. I'm still running on my Honbon High which, in case you don't know, makes life make sense. While Ellen stayed home on Pet Patrol, Mom, Dad, and I headed up on Thursday, just a-itchin' with excitement. Laurie and Don met us at our giant log cabin getaway with big hugs and hearty giggles. We unpacked our crap, got a tour of the house, and were then whisked away to the great outdoors. There was a trail leaving the back yard that took you through the woods, across a little stream, and to a sweet little pond entirely surrounded by trees. This was a big adventure for Nature Mom whose fear of snakes outweighs the desire to explore anything unpaved. She ooohhed and squealed the whole way down and was very happy to head back to the safety of the indoors. I loved wandering through the woods and was wholeheartedly lunging over a log when I got really dizzy. I assumed it was dizziness of my bug-pill related, girly disposition and I ignored it, throwing myself in the circle of deck chairs we created on the porch when we returned home.

Here, I started rocking. This was no bug-pill dizzy. I felt like I was on an ill-fated cruise ship someplace with nice weather. I wanted to giggle and tell stories but talking was too much on my queasy stomach. Even Don noticed I was quiet. "Tell me a stow-rie." he said, as I rolled from bow to stern. I excused myself to lay down, found that I couldn't sleep, and showed up for dinner to discover I had no desire to eat. I decided to ignore it.

I so much love the Hon's company. Gosh they make me laugh. After dinner, we began our Shanghai tournament. Laurie provided M&M's and bluegrass tunes and so we snacked, danced, and played. The Passing of the Afro took place here and Will finally made it from DC to find us gathered round the table paying cards like this...

Mom and Dad went to bed shortly after Will's arrival but the rest of us stayed up chatting. Will entertained us with stories of his m'antics and kooky roommates and we eventually all headed for bed. I was staying in the Raggedy Ann room. It was slightly creepy. Ann was on every shelf and pillow. Will took one look in there, reminded me of the terrors of Chuckie, and then scampered off to his bedroom, free of any demonic childhood relics.

The next morning, the lot of us lazily rolled through the kitchen, grabbing coffee and Laurie's sweet rolls and cheesy egg casserole. While I was no longer rocking, the sensation of free-falling plagued my love for breakfast and I spent 45 minutes forcing down a piece of bread. Today was zip-line day. Laurie found Sky Valley Tours, a three hour zip through the trees, and we'd all been excited about it since she found it a few weeks ago. I reluctantly opted out of the Big Zip as I was afraid I would get nauseous and puke on my fellow zippers.
And so, they zipped.

Back at the house, I took pictures of bugs.

I was happy to hear they had a great time zipping and no body lost any limbs. They swung by the house to pick me up and we headed into town for dinner. While they ate delicious ribs and fried okra and hush puppies, I pecked at a piece of chicken and a tomato wedge. Will confirmed the Zip Line folks suspicions that I had mild altitude sickness and finding out that it wasn't the imaginary brain tumor I'd created that day, really lifted my spirits. I even managed to get down two big scoops of ice cream from Laurie's beloved Kilwins. Again was another night of wigs, card games, and good music. We laughed at stow-ries and were delighted by Dons musings on life and their recounts of the various music festivals they've been attending as they work their way closer and closer to Hippie-dom.

The next morning we all woke up feeling groovy, ate breakfast, had coffee and what did Laurie do? She decided today would be a good day to take the Blue Ridge Parkway, or "The Vomitrail" as Mom called it. Even Dad was worried about hurling on this one. While Dad grumbled about having to stop and smell the roses, we took our cars over to the Cone Estate and walked around Bass Lake. 

It was really pretty here and the outdoor walk was not so daunting for Nature Mom. Here at Bass Lake I almost threw-up twice. I am pleased to say though, that it was from laughing so hard on such a weak stomach. First it was because of a toddler named Cameron and his dusty caterpillar. The second time was at the sight of a jogger who appeared to need to use the bathroom. Don's response to this did not help my situation.
And because Will likes to scare his Momma, he did this...

Don also had tricks up his sleeve.

From here we all piled into Dad's truck so that we could Oooh and Aaah collectively, rather than from separate vehicles. We were oohing at the view from the Viaduct, a concept we somehow all found riotous. We pulled off of the Parkway, climbed up a ways and emerged here, at the most glorious of views.

We ate quick little lunch in the park in town and then headed home for afternoon naps and watching Will fish in the little pond in the woods. We had a free-for-all dinner, trying to eat up the leftover food and Mom and Will danced with wigs.

We played a final hand of Shanghai before discovering Scattergories, a hilarious game which again sent me over the edge into delirium. Laurie won my heart with her "lollipops" and the game put the magical inner-workings of Don on display. I am also pleased to inform you that if ever questioned on "things you find in a medicine cabinet" both of my parents will suggest Gout relief. Mom would like me to point out that neither of them have Gout. Shortly after the folks went to bed Will made up a dance based on the shapes on the rug and I was forced to retire.

We had a final morning on the deck before Laurie packed up our things and threw us out. We had so much fun up there with the Hons. Looking back now at what's written here, it would appear that we are all mildly deranged, simple folks whose ability to live in the real world is questionable. Surely all family's have wigs and plans for a hydraulic zip-line to and from each others houses. That's why I love these folks. It just is that simple. It just is that funny.

These people are treasures.