A Health Update

It seems Buddy has even surpassed me in the art of faking sick. You know, I was "sick" everyday for half of 6th grade. That's when I realized you could easily get through school without ever actually going, a notion I proudly practice today. When I picked ole Budds up from the vet the other day he was fine, wagging his tail and dragging me around to meet his new friends. I looked at his x-rays in a tiny closet with a humorless old man who kept referring to Buddy's "pooper". I mean how do you not laugh? While he rambled about intestinal metabolic rates I looked at the pretty glowing picture and noticed that Buddy has a lot of gas and that his colon is in the shape of a question mark- ending with the pooper of course.

Anyways, nothing is actually wrong with the little fella, or they can't find anything wrong with him. Perhaps he ate a plastic bag. He has gotten spoiled with the yummy canned food we've been giving him to help him...you know, and now he has boycotted his dry kibble. He was fine for two days and then acted sick again yesterday, refusing to walk or come out of the sunroom. When we finally decided he should go back to the vet he was miraculously healed and wanted to go outside. I'm on to you Buddy.

In Laura health news, I have finally taken my potential diabetic state to heart and stopped eating sugar. I tried to cut back before but you know, Christmas sweets. New Years sweets. Weekend sweets...
I've really done it now and it's really not so bad- apart from wiping out my desire to eat at all. I went two weeks sans sugar and really felt groovy. I then partook in a bowl of ice cream and reverted right back to my sluggish and queasy feeling. It's a POISON!!!!! Despite my new sugarless disposition it is good to know these things and I've come to regard red bell peppers as my dessert. Gosh, that's a sad statement. Oh but I have mastered a sugarless, flourless, bakeless, (tasteless) oatmeal cookie.

I'm so lucky.

My Little Man

As a reluctant art major, I'd figured I had mixed up every color of the rainbow with my tiny overpriced squeezy tubes of paint. Little blue here, little white there. "There's no color I can't match!" I proudly told myself during color theory- a class created for color mixing. I carried this achievement in that pocket of your brain where you keep things that truly impress you and only you. You don't mention these accomplishments because no one else cares, nor are they even capable of understanding it's greatness. Buddy shattered this color triumph of mine though on Sunday, when he threw-up a color I had never seen. A prolonged, oozing combination of warm and cool colors, which, not that Buddy cares, is an incredibly difficult blend, rarely seen, and only perfected by master painters. I was very impressed. Then I gagged and left the house, leaving it for Mom as a pre-lunch surprise.

(It's not that I'm hateful. I can scoop poop til the cows come home but that. I can't do...that. I told you. Since Clinton was in office! 1999!!)

Anyways, and more importantly, Buddy won't eat or play and he only wants to lay around inside. We thought he was feeling groovy yesterday as I forced him to go for a walk with me. He started out slow but eventually made a friend. The two of them enjoyed dragging me into people's yards, through property dividing bushes, and pawing at someones expensive, red Jaguar, leaving me to stagger over an apology while they scampered away, laughing and pushing each other into the bushes. But when he got home he fell right to sleep and stayed put the rest of the day -not eating or lifting his little caramel-colored head to say hello when we entered the room. He threw up that impressive pigment again this morning and back to the Vet he has gone. He's been checked for parasites, had x-rays, etc and to be honest, the Doc doesn't know whats wrong.

This is my extremely long winded prayer request for ole Budds. Poor little fella, just sitting all alone at the Doctor's. Breaks my heart to think about. He'll be home tonight though so I sure hope he feels better.

Pleased to Meet Ya :03

Describe yourself in a single sentence.

     -I'm a lost soul still trying to find my purpose in life.

What's your biggest pet-peeve?

     -Bad manners/ rude tourists

If you could have dinner with one person, dead or alive...

     -My grandmother

What profession would you like to attempt?

     -SeaWorld dolphin trainer

What profession would you not like to do?

     -Most of them

If you could travel back and meet yourself as a high school kid, what advice would you give yourself?

     -Don't worry so much and don't worry what people think about you.

What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

     -Well done my good and faithful servant

What do you love most about your family/home?

     -The warmth and love

What's something you've learned about yourself in the last year?

     -I can never quite get it together.

Chris: Nan is one of the strongest people I know though she absolutely hates pressure. She is also kind to everybody and extremely patient. My favorite Nan quote? "Hey! Who do you think you're talking to?"

Ellen: Mom constantly talks to herself to the point where she laughs out loud. She loves to sing and dance but she refuses to take a Zumba class with me. I swear she would love it! Also, "she never buys anything for herself." 

Laura: Oh who would laugh with me if I didn't have Moppy! Mops is always coming up with "the next big thing", she always thinks we're talking about her, and as a fun fact, she could name all but four major cruise lines. My favorite Mom quote is "Down the hatch Chuckles" and I'm envious of her faithfulness. 

Magnolia Plantation

The last few days have been lovely. So lovely in fact, that I've already skipped my painting class. Surely I can paint by now and it was far to lovely outside to waste away under harsh fluorescents. When's it going to be 80˚ in January again? Therefore, Moppy and I casually hiked it over to Magnolia Planation for a day of garden wandering.

Truly perfect weather.

The last time I was here was a childhood picnic with Jordan and Alston. I don't remember this. But according to Mom, we had a great time. I have since decided that I'm going to have to have a house on the water, casually placed upon acres of fertile soil for my bountiful gardens, including but not limited to herbs, flowers, and vegetables. I would also like to raise goats. And when all of my kooky life endeavors fail and I end up alone, I know that Ari will live in this haven with me, gardening and creating elixirs. Did I tell you she is doing an internship at the Herbal Society? Did you even know there was a Charleston Herbal Society? She's basically learning to make potions. I think this is pushing her inner mad scientist to the edge. She could potentially lose it... I'll keep you posted.

Newfangled Undertakings

I've got some tantalizing tidbits for you today. But first...

Laurie, I would be more than tickled to post said offensive sketches but instead I have decided to use them as leverage. Really they just reinforce the despicableness of my existence. But I hereby promise to proudly present them to you and your family upon our next meeting. Perhaps this is incentive for our ever-postponed ski trip. Hmm???

In tidbit news, I have two nuggets of excitement for you. First of all, Ellen has decided to cash in her sensible waitress shoes for the luxury of working for the infamously aggressive Christopher N. Union. Thats right. She has accepted an offer to be Dad's property manager. She starts February 1st and has to go to Realty school for a few weeks before beginning the onslaught of her new Boss Man Dad relationship. I fear this will turn our Sunday Night Dinners into business meetings. I also fear Ellen being unable to accept Dad telling her what to do. It didn't work in high school and she's only gotten more...smart-alecky. She won't even let him have the remote. Either way, I'm secretly uplifted by the impeding struggle for control. If nothing else, this will provide me with an unlimited arsenal of quips to be proudly recorded right here, on this internet space.

My second nugget is kind of horn-tooty but I'm very excited about it. It seems that my photographs have been accepted into one of the art galleries Downtown. I give all the credit to Mom who undertook much research to determine where my "art" would fit in. The Gallery man gave me an oversized contract (that I have yet to read) and I can put my stuff up in February or March- whichever suits my fancy. So how about that?

And most exciting of all...it was 77˚ this weekend.

It's Entirely Too Grey

I did some fantastic drawings for you, perfectly recounting the bizarre cast of characters I found myself sitting amongst in my writing class yesterday. I proudly presented them to Mom who gave me a satisfactory guffaw and then told me not "publish" them. While I agree that they are offensive, they are simply factual drawings. I can't help how people present themselves.

My point is, my writing class is filled with...eccentric characters. I simply had to make myself stop looking around as the laugher was burning in my stomach and dissipating into rippling waves of a nervous feeling that really put me on edge. One tardy girl swung the door open about 30 minutes into the class and stood proudly, hands on her hips, looking for an empty seat. Her entrance struck me as funny until my eyes panned from her black, spiky boots up to her wooka-wooka hair and I found myself unable to remain stoic and calm. I even noticed the most subtle flinch from my professor, who had his lips pressed together in a desperate attempt to remain professional. Later while talking about the importance of turning in papers on time one boy said, "What if like, I'm attacked by badgers on the way to class and it's totally not my fault?"

My professor is a nice guy with a really subtle sense of humor. It was lost on the texters, hair twirlers, and droolers in the class. And other than him forcing a public reading of things we've written, I'm not so opposed to his system. Look at me maturing. Such a studious child. I am however very much infuriated by my drawing class and simply have no response to painting. I have the same quack from last year. Same classroom. Same syllabus. Hopefully it won't be that same one-armed model.

Tis all the news for now. I don't have class Mondays or Fridays so I am off today on a mission...I'll keep you posted. Also, I really fought for a date night with Ellen tonight. It took my offering to pay to get her to agree. (Hmph!!) I've got to come up with something sensational. Sweep her off her feet...and then not call for three days.

Pleased to Meet Ya :02

Describe yourself in a single sentence.

     -I'm a loser waitress waiting to make the big time.

What's your biggest pet-peeve?

     -To-go orders

If you could have dinner with one person, dead or alive...

     -I don't really take an interest in other people

What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

     -Big time PR person

What profession would you not want to do?

     -Garbage person

If you could travel back and meet yourself as a high-school kid, what advice would you give yourself?

     -Don't be so dramatic

What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

     -Good job!

What do you love most about your family/home?

     -Theres never a dull moment.

One thing you've learned about yourself in the last year

     -I care way too much about money and the important thing is to be happy.

Her parents: Ellen is very generous with her money but is impulsive and easily impressed. She never washes her car, wears a onesie in the winter, and walks with purpose. Ellen most often responds to statements with "lo-ser" or "nerd alert". 

Boyfriend Chris: Elle is the sappiest person I've ever met and sometimes I think she should be a blonde.  She lacks patience but has lot of passion for what she does like. Most common Elle-phrase, "I hate work".

Laura: Stinky fun facts are that she always smells good and can't listen to a song all the way through. Her strangest habit is her compulsion to clean when she's upset. I know she's had a bad day if she's sweeping when I come home. Though sometimes I find her antagonistic, I'm jealous of her feistiness. 

An Arctic Stroll

You can't tell from the pictures but it sure was cold yesterday. Mops and I decided that we should better ourselves and exercise, so we went downtown for a stroll. Then we had pizza. But don't worry, it was thin crust. 

By the way, this is the greyest winter. Is it technically winter yet? Yesterday was one of what seems like four sunny days that I've witnessed since October. It's depressing. It's affecting my jovial disposition. Oh speaking of which, I've been doing my healthy gal exercises. Did you know you have muscles under all that fluff? What a pleasant surprise. I need to introduce you to the spritely Asian girl I've been dancing with on Youtube. She's a riot. But also a butt-kicker. I've been sore since November.

The next two days are all I have left before starting my final sentence. I applied to graduate (which seems like the stupidest thing) (What did you think I was there for?) and payed the $25 graduation fee (why??) and now I am waiting for my formal notice from the registrar which will undoubtedly inform me that I'm lacking an exorbitant amount of credits and cannot graduate for another year. You just wait. It's gonna happen. I already told you that my two month class has been changed into a five month class!  Boy that makes me mad. Really burns me up! 

As of the new year, I've got to begin my job searching. I simply can't afford to mooch off Dad for the few months that the farm is closed. Actually I can. And I will. But I miss working you see. Tis the only purpose I have during these harrowing academic semesters. I think I'd like to work for a florist. You know how I love flowers.

Yesterday Dad informed me that I did all of my holiday baking with his leftover fried chicken oil. Who puts it back in the bottle? Come on!!

I feel like I've got jumbled thoughts this morning. Perhaps I'll casually slip out...

Pleased to Meet Ya : 01

Describe yourself in one sentence
     -I'm an enigma.
What's your biggest pet peeve?
     -People who don't call me back.
If you could have dinner with someone...
     -The current president. Whoever that is at the time.
What job would you love to have?
    -Navy Seal
What profession would you not want to do?
     -Accounting
If you could travel back and visit yourself as a high-school kid, what advice would you give yourself?
     -Think about my future rather than going through life day by day
What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
     -You're in!
What do you love most about your family/home?
     -Comfort, warmth, fun
One thing you've learned about yourself in the last year...
     -I don't like being idle.

Ellen: He enjoys trying to embarrass me. He's a secret softy and a car enthusiast with no more funds for indulgence. This is the longest he's kept a car. I'm envious of his ability to think more in the present than in the future.                       
Laura: Dad has roughly 36 pairs of shorts, simply cannot put away his shoes, and insists he can think away pain. I'm jealous of his fearlessness and I love when he summons me with a, "Little nerd, little nerd! Where forth art thou little nerd?"
Nancy: Chris couldn't make it a day without a cheap shot. He has an aggressive personality but is a real softy when it comes to his girls. I'm envious of his get-up-and-go. Motivation. Our favorite Dad quote was unanimous. 

"Second place is first place for losers."

Day 1

Oh I've come up with a sensational way to entertain you people. I haven't worked out the kinks (or the details for that matter) but I'll get right on it. Right away Sir.

In NewYears news, a happy one to you. A fresh start. A clean slate. An unsullied pair of trousers. With false concern and some patronizing eyelash batting, Dad asked me what I learned this year. "Not much." I replied.  I've never been the type to reflect upon my personal growth. It doesn't occur to me to add up my accomplishments and failures and then make a organizational graph, charting areas to work on. I know better than this. But I did decide to floss more this year.

I've not got a whole lot for you. Perhaps it's my school related freedom but I've been slapped with an urge to be productive, resulting in much computer work. Also, whatever flu bug I had has now been passed back to Dad and potentially Ellen. We're a foul bunch.

We did however spread our germs for a family reunion of sorts. Enjoy this collection of white faces.